Take off that Gloves – It’s Time to Escalate to Resolve

 

“Don’t Have to Fight to be a Man”

 There is something haunting about the way Kenny Rogers sings ‘Coward of The County’. The concluding lines of the song depict the transformation of Tommy a confirmed pacifist to a fighter.

  “I promised you dad, not to do the things you’ve done

I walk away from trouble when I can

Now please don’t think I’m weak if I didn’t turn the other cheek

And Papa, I should hope you to understand

Sometimes you gotta fight when you are a man”

 There are times when one needs to pick up a fight and take it to conclusion.

 Life is Like That

 

"In that case, we are striking work" thunders an agitated union leader.

"We will declare a lock out", declares an equally agitated GM Administration

 

"You agree or not, we are getting married" declares a dissenting son.

“Don’t come back” shouts a distraught father

Different words. Different settings. Yet essentially the same situation! A conflict is in escalation! Is escalating conflict always a natural outcome of a deteriorating situation, a one-way street to destruction? Can it be the means to force resolutions?

Fermenting Conflicts

Situations don't ferment overnight into conflicts.

Differences in values, perceptions, expectations and aspirations, individually or collectively, tend to initiate disagreements and dissonance. Competition aggravates the difference. Communication becomes fettered and biased. Unresolved and festering differences germinate conflict.

The first symptom to manifest in conflict is absence of meaningful communication which turns collaborators into competitors, competitors into adversaries and adversaries into enemies. Gradually, those around the individuals are sucked in to the conflict vortex, coagulating the organisation into warring factions. Individuals and groups harden views, occupy self-inhibiting positions and render themselves unreconcilable. As conflict worsens, adversaries find increasingly aggressive means to inflict grievous injuries to the enemy. Eventually both individuals and organisations become dysfunctional.

Dysfunctionality

An unreasonable union leader egged on by the might of the significant ‘violent few’ and encouraged by the insignificant ‘silent many’, can hold organisations to ransom, bleed it financially and erode its strength. An insensitive administration could delay or deny its workers what is genuinely due to them, killing productivity and germinating unrest. A difference in opinion between two individuals could become turf war between verticals in an organisation, crippling it. Allowed to fester without intervention, conflicts can spell disaster.

The same is applicable to interpersonal relationships. Insensitivity to the other’s physiological, emotional or esteem needs can initiate dissonance and turn relationships abusive. If not adequately addressed, rot sets in. Unstemmed rot in relationships destroys it.

Losses

Conflicts essentially occur between parties which assume mutually exclusive stakes in issues making it existential contests, even when mutually beneficial outcomes exist. Beyond a point in conflict, losses incurred by oneself may not matter. Regardless of one’s own losses and sufferings, adversaries focus on planning more severe future inflictions, sliding into a mindless spiral that offers nothing more than succour in mutual decimation.

Conflicts, in the long run, have neither been beneficial to winners nor losers. Past the euphoria of victory, the lose-lose situation precipitated becomes evident. Monopolies seldom thrive long. The real resolution of conflict lies in finding win-win solutions and really convincing both of the win-win character of the chosen option.

It is only well intentioned, diligently planned and thoroughly executed interventions, often by a third party, which can contain conflicts and elicit resolutions. Easier said than done!

Stalemates

In a conflict situation, evenly matched or not, when either of the two wilfully remains oblivious to the needs or demands of the other, or out of fear of being branded loser refuses to yield, a stalemate could be the result. Stalemate could also be accentuated when one side assumes that it can weather the ‘no-go’ situation better than the adversary.

Weakness of the adversary, real or perceived, fuels the urge to continue with the stalemate. Lulled by the belief that losses suffered by the adversary are far greater than the insignificant losses being suffered by itself, the party perpetuating status quo, endeavours to keep conflict subcritical, hoping to coerce the bleeding adversary to abandon demands and come to terms with what is dictated.

Potentially detrimental to both and never a solution in itself, stalemate seldom mitigate problems. Stalemates warrant escalation of conflict as the means to elicit solution and stem losses.

Stalemate Dissolution 

Stalemates can be broken either by withdrawal or aggravation.

If withdrawal is ever an option, conflict should not be precipitated. Tactical withdrawals apart, withdrawal from conflict is defeat. Defeat comes with the ignominy of unconditional retraction, burden of consequences, known and unknown, loss of ground, face and cause. Worse, deprived of bargaining positions even in future negotiations, the burden of withdrawal haunts losers till eternity. Therefore, withdrawing, well into the conflict is nothing but defeat without redemption in sight. This must be adequate warning to parties intending to convert differences of opinion in to conflict.

Having failed to contain conflict and reached stalemate, escalation could be a catalyst to resolution

Escalation Design

Having precipitated a conflict locked in stalemate, one possible way out is to escalate and force settlement. Escalation doesn’t guarantee desired results. It could even hasten destruction. Bleeding slowly to death through stalemate is not enjoyable either.

Irrespective of the escalation strategy and means applied, it must discretely maintain lines of communication between adversaries, for all conflicts commence when communications break and cease when meaningful communications are reestablished.

The escalating party must clearly distinguish between existential non-negotiables and elastic negotiables. Well before commencing the escalation process, it must also clearly demarcate ‘no-tread’ areas from tradable ones and fix the extent to which concessions can be made. The risk of skilled negotiators seeing through notwithstanding, few negotiables could be dressed up as non-negotiables to provide manoeuvrability in negotiations and serve trade off during the ‘give – and- take’ phase. A clear visualisation of adversary’s likely response’ and ‘could emerge’ situations is a must before escalating the conflict. This would help retain the initiative and nudge the adversary into desired positions.

A ‘dissent amongst and within’ is the worst affliction while attempting escalation. For an adversary desperately attempting to drive wedge to create inroads, fissures, however concealed it could be, are easy discoveries, windfalls easily exploited.

Even while escalating inter-personal relationship conflicts, there is a need to clearly define and demarcate negotiables and non-negotiables. Identity of the self, self-esteem and recognition of personal space must be non-negotiables to start with.

Conflict Aftermath

Victory or defeat, adversaries invariably emerge scarred and scathed from conflict. The bitter aftertaste of conflict persists long. While it is best to avoid conflicts, it is easier said than done.

Once conflict has been joined, it is easier to resolve it at the initial stages than trying to find ways out after much water has flown. Lingering long, conflicts slip into menacingly slow, but grievously damaging stalemate. Living the status quo could be detrimental to the interests of both the parties and the environment. Therefore, all efforts must be made to solve the conflict, even if it means escalation.

 

 

Setback Success Stardom & An Innocuous Catapult

 Safety of Ports or Sea of Opportunities?

Ships, berthed at ports are safe. But aren't ships meant to be out there on the high seas, conquering waves and braving storms searching for treasures that lie seven seas and beyond?

Life is no different.

Caged in protective environments and living off what has been inherited is survival,  mere existence. Repeated setbacks and failures are integral to chasing dreams and fulfilling them. Triumphs over tribulations sweeten success to no end. Poise with which setbacks are handled and the determination to get back on the feet to persist with the fight set victors apart from the vanquished.

Setback and spring back! The innocuous catapult has a lot to teach.

Scenes Behind Success

The pellet and the target grab all the attention. The straining structure, stretched strings and soft seating are seldom seen. It is the pellet’s impact that is always discussed and not what got it there. Without untiring stems, instantaneously retracting elastic strings and a secure seating, the pellet could have never taken flight.  

It is the success and fame of an individual that we notice, admire and envy. Success pushes the sweat and blood, toil and torment into the shadows. Glitz and glory, covers wounds and scars.

What better an analogy than a catapult?

The Skelton 

Take a look at the catapult. The most striking aspect about this very rudimentary weapon is the skeletal construct consisting of a stem, the lower straight part branching out into two hands at the top. The stem and the two branches have to be strong enough individually and collectively to withstand pulls. Short stems are unstable compared to longer stems and may not generate enough throw. Long stems leverage launch better than short ones.

The branches symbolise the domain of our skill sets, competencies, aptitudes as well as physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual assets. Though we may not be equally competent in all the assets we possess, each one has to be individually strong enough to withstand the demands made on it, internal synergies making the union better.

The main stem represents our values and belief systems, inherited and acquired. How deep-rooted the competencies are in value-belief systems, dictates how well an individual can weather struggles, stress and strain. Fickle minds, short stems, flip easy. Deep rooted value systems help leverage unbelievable inner capacities so strong it can weather even the most terrible of real-life storms.

Fulcrum

A crucial part of the catapult is the joint where the two branches join the main stem. Structurally, it is the fulcrum that hosts three cantilevers straining against each other. In real life, it is the decision center, the human mind where excruciating dilemmas of “to be or not to be” are hosted, churned and handled. It dictates thresholds and tolerance, decides on strive or surrender, opts between flight and fight, choose between morality and convenience, and handles conflicts and convergence. This junction belongs to both the branches and the stem.

Deceptive Looks

The catapult, without the strings, is just a piece of dead wood. It is the elasticity of this flimsy looking pieces that allows the catapult to gather energy and garner momentum while being stretched. Under stress and strain, it actually plots to strike back the moment it can. Its ability to instantaneously spring back to normalcy gives it the power to throw far and impact the target. It also defines the limitations of the catapult. Under strain if it breaks, the catapult is nothing but firewood.

In real life, they define the limits to which an individual can stretch himself or herself. It defines the tolerance limits, the breaking points. It symbolises determination and persistency components of human efforts and together, our endurance. The instantaneous retraction is the ability to get back after each fall. Every throw may not reach or destroy the target. But with time each throw does.  Spurts of determination may not guarantee victory but persistence seldom goes unrewarded. Easily broken strings are nothing but burdens.

Cocoon or Cage?

The seating, innocuous at first sight, is as important as other components. Though it holds the pellet secure when pulled back, it doesn’t hinder the pellet’s flight forward. It actually facilitates the pellet’s release at the right time.

In real life it is our comfort zone. Whether it becomes an enabling nourishing cocoon that help us emerge victorious or a debilitating cage the safety of which we cling on depends on us. While cocooned we prepare ourselves to be launched to the target regardless of the uncertain flight. The decision to cage or cocoon oneself makes all the difference between success and failure. The willingness to abandon comfort zones and launch oneself into the vast expanse of uncertainty is a key factor in achieving success in life.

Search

Individual strength of each part of the catapult is important but its shoot efficiency comes from how well the parts converge and generate synergies. More than the excellence in one individual trait or few skills, what matters is the collective strength of skills and competencies and the ability to bring it to play when and where required. But for longevity of success and good of the society these have to be deep rooted in strong value systems.

Search. Look inwards. 

You may find the beautiful catapult ready to leverage your strengths and launch you into stardom. 

Pick up and launch. 

Want to hear about it

please watch

https://youtu.be/eKn5mWmMso0

Success - The How Explained with Orbital Theory

Orbitals -The Sub-atomic Domain

Progress is irrevocably linked to man’s restless mind, his relentless attempt to find verifiable logic to everything seen and unseen, experienced and even remotely experienceable, visualisable or hardly visualisable. It is this ‘search-continuum’ that has helped humankind imagine, postulate, define, explain, test and prove or disprove anything and everything.

The cathode-ray tube experiments of JJ Thomson in 1897 and discovery of electrons paved way for quantum leaps in research in the domain of subatomic particles. But it took many years of proving and disproving different hypotheses to explain behaviour of atoms in relation to its structure. Scientists, for now seem to agree on ‘energy-level’ based allocation of electrons to s, p d and f orbitals.

Interestingly, even behaviour of both successful and unsuccessful individuals, can be explained by an analogy of the ‘s, p d, f ‘architecture they operate from.

Orbital theory for success and failure?

Orbital Structure

In order to appreciate how the orbital structure enables success or failure, it is imperative to understand its structure and interlinkages.

https://youtu.be/h8HaicwXGJ4

Imagine a balloon filled with air. If it is held tight anywhere, the balloon becomes two inter connected lobes. Sliding the ‘hold’ up or down, allowing movement of air changes the size of the lobes. Imagine innumerable such ‘controllable’ twin lobed balloons bundled together in a tight pack. This collection of many lobes is f orbital, the workhorses that decide success or failure.

Depending upon requirements air needs to be pumped in or drained out of each lobe. d orbital is the, distribution network enabling linking of innumerable f lobes. To persist with the requisite pressure for ‘as long as required’, an intricate interconnected valve system is required. p orbital does that job. The entire system needs to be monitored and controlled. This requires an intricate sensory command and control mechanism connected to each lobe, the distribution network and each valve. The s orbital manages tis entire system.

The four orbitals are intricately and intimately interlinked, in a mutually nourishing or degrading embrace, functional efficiency of each linked directly to the other three.

Modus Operandi

Every aspect of human thought has a contra part. Fear and courage, apprehension and aspiration, despair and hope, suspicion and trust are few such pairs out of innumerable such possibilities. 

If fear dominates courage, the fear-courage lobe, actions of the individual are likely to be manifestations of fear. If the negative lobes are minimised, the corresponding positive lobes become predominant. Absence of negatives can make humans reckless and cruel. Nature, by default, configures negatives marginally dominant over positives making us cautious and improving chances of survival. This natural bias can be reprogrammed through deliberate self-affirmations over a period of time.

Fuelling Strategies

f orbital is the primary ingredient to scripting both success and failure. It senses opportunities and threats and transforms them into varied stimuli triggering appropriate responses. At rudimentary levels f orbital controls reflexes. But evolved, it fuels aspirations, feed dreams, create attitudes and dictate behavioural strengths and weaknesses.

Fear is a natural stimulus that can freeze physical and mental responses, but it also stimulates fight and flight responses. Uncontrolled fear has disastrous consequences, but if managed well, fear fuels strategies to confront, contain, control and conquer obstacles. Choices, the ‘f’ orbital residents, dictate operational strategies. Choice is the key.

Choice of fortitude over fear, faith over fatalism, resolve over vacillation, 

hope of success over fear of failure’ scripts success. Deeply intertwined with other orbitals, the f orbital nourishes or destroys depending upon how it is charged, recharged and conditioned. That is why, it is important to create enriching and reinforcing environment to ensure success.

This orbital also concerns with the skills, competence and expertise. In an environment of intense competition, being skilled and competent may not suffice. It may call for mastering the art of adaptation and skills in application of acquired competencies. f orbital facilitates it. Favourably developed f orbitals like the bigger balloon lobes help enlarge and extend the envelope of relevance and reverence.

Rooted in the conscious mind, f orbital is the foundation for success because all options consciously generated reside in this orbital.

Determination Strategies

Life is neither a sprint nor a collection of sprints. It is an endless gruelling marathon, a test bed of determination, unique to each individual. Success in life is not about a single victory or a series of short-term gains but about meticulously planned and unflinchingly executed long-term strategies. This is what determination is all about. Determination dictates intense commitment. d orbital defines the determination quotient of an individual. 

This network orbital can be primed to pump and make positive lobes dominant, minimise negativities and help overcome obstacles.

Resolve influences choices and therefore outcomes. It is most evident in the most trying of circumstances. d orbital determination helps, easily overcome short term losses and restrict impact of grievous setbacks. and helps accept and overcome setbacks better. Over time, determination becomes characteristic of the individual, permanently modifying choices made consciously. d orbital activities are dictated by the quality of the preconscious – conscious exchanges.

Persistence Strategies

Persistence is the ability to stay on course despite turbulences and obstacles. Determination spurts don’t define persistence. it is a trait. Persistence impacts determination through longevity of commitment regardless of setbacks and ensures momentum. An individual’s persistence quotient is defined by his /her p orbital architecture.

Like the valve system on the distribution network connected to the lobes, p orbital maintains the thrust, for as long as required preventing fatigue, loss of interest and sense of defeat in case of setbacks. Configured in tandem and continually communicating amongst themselves at the subconscious levels, f, d and p orbitals have significant influence on each other. In sync, they enrich one another and positively influence outcomes, but in dissonance, become malignant cumulatively eroding success probabilities.

The pre-conscious mind, waiting room for the conscious to call from, is the predominant master of this orbital. Drawing from the subconscious, p orbital continuously upgrades the quality of its asset holding helping the individual become persistent. If powerful assets can be drawn up fast from the subconscious, persistence thrives, determination blooms and success become routine.

Sustenance Strategies

Competencies, f orbital ingredients, aided by ‘commitment-intensity’, of d orbital kept alive by ‘commitment-longevity’ of p orbital become reflexes and help overcome challenges and savour success. But to convert isolated events of success into recurring events and transform it into winning as a habit, needs synergies within. The s orbital, like the sensor control system facilitates this process.

The s orbital is the strategizing domain and works extensively from the subconscious. Thus, it is important to address the subconscious assets to strengthen this orbital. Besides good memories, old emotional or physical traumas, failures, losses, pain, apprehensions fear and such debilitating attributes are stored in the subconscious. Although rooted amidst very potent inhibitors of the subconscious fortunately s orbital can be trained to operate without being adversely affected. Positive self-assertions precisely do that. Inputs from the s orbital permeates into every other orbital activity and decides their qualitative output.

The Bond

The four orbitals are irrevocably intertwined and feed and feed off each other. The ability to learn from past failures, block out negative thoughts and belief that success is possible is the first requirement. It will lead to persistence in determined efforts and success for sure. Having drawn up blueprint for progress, if an individual deliberately addresses the orbital architecture and internalises the requisite attributes, success is forgone conclusion, winning a habit and happiness a companion.