Mortui Vivos Docent. - The Dead Teach the Living

 

We left our hotel in the morning and drove to the museum in Haroldswick. It was a long drive that included two ferry rides, one from Toft to Ulsta and one from Gutcher to Belmont to reach cold and windy Muness to see the remnants of a castle. There was hardly anyone around and when we came across someone, an occasional car, or a small group of cycling enthusiasts, we waved at each other earnestly. My wife and I were with Dr Abe and Dr Elizabeth vacationing in the Shetland Islands, an archipelago in Scotland, the northernmost region of the UK.

It was cold, windy, and wet. I love visiting museums and old buildings. Museums, for many, are like cemeteries, resting places for relics, reminders of tragedies and some made-up stories. Museums, to me, are roads to the past and windows to the future.  I call it, ‘Mortui Vivos Docent.’ or 'The dead teach the living', a phrase I picked up from a book I read recently. In Latin, ‘mortui’ means ‘dead,’ ‘vivo’ means alive, and ‘docent’ means ‘guide or teach.’ Pathologists of the yore thus justified cadaver dissection. When I leave a museum, at times after spending the whole day, I feel very enriched and connected.

Every piece in the museum is a cadaver of sorts. For those inclined to listen, each exhibit is an unsaid story. For those who can visualise, exhibits can become the means to a journey in time to the generations before us and witness their struggles, trials, and tribulations and their triumphs or failures. Each boat, fishing tool, and other items on display that day had an individual story to narrate. Collectively it was a moving story of grit, grime, sweat, blood, and triumph. I could visualise the noisy landings of the herring-laden boats, the splashing sounds of countless feminine hands and the unkind words of their masters. I could hear them haggling about their wages and smell their smoky cabins. I could see some beautiful eyes sparkling through weatherbeaten faces and sense romance even amid hardships. I was there experiencing the poverty and misery of a people and their undying hopes kept alive by indomitable will.  The sunset well after 10 at night helped us with a day far longer than I had ever seen. The next day we spent time in Lerwick museum. In the three days we stayed on the Island, I travelled back in time, two centuries. I was amazed at the way the museum had been curated. some of the places I visited were run mostly by volunteers. It was a treat to the eyes. I recalled my trips to museums back home and the difference in how we maintain and curate relics.

We set sails, out of Lerwick in the evening and berthed at Aberdeen as the day broke. The next day we pulled into the car park of an inn at Bradon Mill, Hexham, to commence our walk to The Hadrian Wall. Running over 73 miles, it was built on the lines of the Great Wall of China, on the orders of Emperor Hadrian way back in AD122, to demarcate and guard his borders. It was built during the ascend of the great Roman Empire, known for its strong legal and administrative systems. Over time the state acquired unquestioned authority over the people. Corruption became rampant. Unable to cope with it, people looked for alternative socio-political and religious systems, setting in motion the fall of the Roman Empire. One thing led to another and the great Empire bit the dust. The Hadrian Wall, the largest Roman archaeological feature in England, remains a testimony to the rise and fall of the Empire.

Standing next to the wall, or its remnants, I was transported 1900 years back to witness the mighty Emperor's perception of threat and how he planned to secure his kingdom. An audacious construction for those times, rudimentary and primitive for contemporary defence, the wall hit me hard with the realisation of the transient nature of our authority and how irrelevant our wealth of material possessions becomes with time. The memory of a powerful emperor, once the world under his feet, now rests on a lifeless piece of primitive stonework. The beauty of the area around me captivated me so much that I forgot about the wall, standing next to it. That much for the ancient authority!

On our climb down the hill, I realised that our assets or authority neither make us immortal nor guarantee eternity. Men of intellect like Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle with hardly a material belonging, are revered far beyond all rulers of the past combined. This is one reason why despots attempt to manipulate history while they reign, little realising the futility of trying to make or alter history. 

“Memento mori, quare ne obliviscaris vivere,” a Latin phrase translated literally: “Remember you must die, therefore do not forget to live,”  is the lesson I learnt.

 

A Bridge to Nowhere

 

Colonel Kochu Koshy Panicker, my colleague in the army, hero of many an action, and rightfully a gallantry award winner, organised the day-long contributory cruise in the Ashtamudi Lake.  ‘KK’ is an excellent organiser. Once he takes on something, expect nothing less than the perfect. As his boss, I fearlessly delegated tasks to him and sat back without worries. I attribute my rise in ranks to teammates like him.  KK is special. He smiles even when under severe work pressure. Dr Santy, his wife, an academic, is his strength. With them around, possibilities are endless.  

On the 4th of May, I drove 95 KM one way from my home with my wife and two of my grandchildren and stayed the night with the Panickers. The next morning, my wife, grandchildren, and Dr Santy travelled with me another 21 KM to join the cruise, KK and his team had organised. KK had left early to tie up things. There are a lot of houseboats in Kumarakom, that offer similar daylong cruises. This cruise, I knew would be special. 

I wanted my grandchildren to see, feel and learn first-hand, the camaraderie and oneness amongst us, the veterans. KK, Colonel CRM Nair, Colonel Madhu, and Major Rajendran did a great job organising it. Some people who promised to be on the boat did not join. It put a bit of additional monetary pressure on those who landed up but nobody complained. The juniors enjoyed every bit of the day and have not stopped talking about it ever since. They learned to conduct themselves, offer a helping hand to the elders, and be good community members. I came back with more than a cruise. 

“Look at that bridge,” someone called out aloud. There was a bridge, jutting out a long way from the land into the water but it had no signs of landing anywhere. “Must be under construction,” I said. “No,” someone replied. “It is the “bridge to nowhere.” Some of my fellow veterans, chipped in. Most of them settled in and around knew better. “A bridge that led nobody nowhere,” I thought. I took a close look and even clicked some photographs. “Appacha[1], why doesn't that bridge go anywhere?” asked my grandson. I told him that there must have been some constraints. 

I was curious to find out. I scoured the web for other brave engineers and authorities who made similar bridges to nowhere. I came across an Arch Bridge built in 1936. It spans the East Fork of the Gabriel River and was meant to be part of the road connecting the San Gabriel Valley with Wrightwood, California. The project was abandoned due to a flood.  Trekkers enjoy using the bridge even now. There was also the mention of an old Bridge in Kentucky. When the bridge was made, it connected two pieces of land and people used it. It is now in disuse.  There was yet another Bridge. It was proposed to connect the town of Ketchikan in Alaska with Gravina Island which had an International Airport and housed 50 residents. The proposal was also called the ‘bridge to nowhere. Initially expected to cost the exchequer $398 million, it was finally cancelled in 2015 on allegations of ‘pork barrelling[2]. Not even one brick was laid for this bridge. I also came across a movie with the same name. The 1986 New Zealand horror thriller is about a group of teenagers who fight for survival after encountering a mysterious hermit.  

The ‘Bridge to Nowhere’, near Thevally, Kollam is class apart and without parallel. I am not competent to discuss how this engineering marvel came into existence, the political reasons behind its creation, and the allegations surrounding its existence. What saddens me to no end, is that despite my search, I could not come across any proposal to mitigate this problem or to bring it into use at least for tourism purposes. Three things are clear. Firstly, it is a colossal, thoughtless, and criminal waste of public money. Secondly, it showcases the impotence and inability of the public to hold their representatives to account. Thirdly, it shows the rot and deterioration that has infected contemporary society with the “Why should I? Let someone else do it” attitude[3].  Till they demolish it or find ways to use it, ‘The Thevally Bridge to Nowhere’ shall remain a monument to the unquestioned lack of accountability authorities enjoy due to the public’s attitude to gross irresponsibility. 

It is just one of the very few visible ‘bridges to nowhere’, while we live amidst countless invisible bridges to nowhere. ‘Bridges to Nowhere’ amongst us? 

We would have come across people, who despite our best efforts and intentions neither connect nor reciprocate. Intentionally or unintentionally, even we might have refused to connect. Denial would be our first response. Just try and recall instances when someone waved at you or greeted you and you knowingly did not respond! You did not allow their bridge to land on your shores! It could have been driven by some compulsions or ego. That cannot be called afflictions. Such acts seldom go unrewarded. 

The afflicted are those who closet themselves and do not allow any bridge to reach them however hard others may try. Incidentally, it could be an early sign of depression. On the other hand, there are many bridging experts around us. They thrive on retractable bridges.  They put out a bridge when they need something from others or allow other bridges to land only when they see some use of the other bank in the near future. They are crafty, manipulative, selfish, and mean. They will somehow find ways to land their bridge whenever they want. We would be familiar with at least a few in our neighbourhood. 

Bridges connect two distant banks of a gap that otherwise would have remained separated and isolated. Multi-span bridges stand testimony to the difficulty and complexity of connecting distant banks; the further the banks, the more challenging the efforts. Even in life, it is the same; the more emotionally distant someone is, the more difficult to connect with them. One may need a few steps forward, to connect, the first few could elicit no response. 

The importance of the banks on both sides of the gap that will take the landings cannot be left unsaid. If the banks are not strong enough to take the landing, the entry and exit load, especially that of heavy vehicles, will soon render the bridge unusable. In life also, it is like that.  Individuals, the banks, need to be strong enough to take on the demands of the other end of interpersonal relationships. Expectations can ruin the bridge. Keeping account of give and take is akin to injecting toxins. Many a marriage flounder because the landings on either side are not strong enough to take the expectation loads. 

The day before I had an incidental discussion on the subject with a quick-witted former colleague of mine, now commanding a unit. “Sir, technically isn't, nowhere also somewhere?” she asked. It made me think. Yes. Nowhere is also somewhere. When ‘nowhere’ becomes the ‘somewhere to be’ for someone everywhere and always, that person might already be a recluse or one fast in the making. It is a deliberate choice of cutting oneself off from others. Do not mistake it for ‘personal space’. Yes, ‘nowhere’ can be a chosen destination for solitude. Most people mistake loneliness for solitude. When nowhere becomes the destination, people deliberately retract all the bridges and destroy the home-bank landing. On the other hand, there are people, who long for bridges to land on their shores but do not know how to initiate the works. Their hand wave may not look enthusiastic, their smile may be incomplete, or their body language may not be welcoming enough. It is there we must put our spans forward manifold and reach out. Who knows, there may be a gold mine, a heart of gold, waiting to be won. 

Modern means of communication have shrunk the world, into, what people call, a global village. But sadly, while geographical distances are being bridged either physically or remotely, more and more people are retracting their bridges and withdrawing deep into their own shores in the guise of finding personal spaces. Our efforts to span relational gaps can prevent bridgeable gaps from turning into chasms. 

Beyond the memories of chilled beer, good food and great company the “Thevally Bridge to Nowhere” gave me a few lessons for life.  I shall wave and smile as always but my eyes will be quicker to spot the bridge looking to land.

Even you can…

 

PS. 

1.       Over the last two days, I have been going to the local swimming pool with my grandchildren for their swimming classes. I know smiles are the first step to launching the bridge of friendship. I have already made  new friends. Among them, a doctor, an IT engineer and a business man, all there to teach their children swimming.

2. If you like the article, do subscribe to it. It costs you nothing but means a lot to me. You could reciprocate my attempts to bridge with you through my written works. 

3. Consider expressing your views in the comments section. I assure you of a response. if you have personal queries please address it to my mailbox jacobtharakanchacko@gmail.com

---

[1] Appacha’ - That is how my grandchildren address me.

[2] ‘Pork barreling’. It refers to the act of a legislator taking away a lot of money to service just his constituency. It also denotes spending too much for too little in return.

[3] I will be flagging this to the local authorities and also asking people whom I know in the locality about my idea of finding alternative uses if it can’t proceed further.

MAYDAY, MAYDAY - ENTITLEMENT AND OBLIGATION

“Workers of the world Unite! You have nothing to lose, but your chains!” The call remains the most reverberating takeaway from the communist manifesto of 1848. It inspired and continues to inspire millions across the world, in far more different ways than it was first intended to. “May Day” presents the best opportunity to evaluate where the slogan has taken us.  

I grew up hearing the musical version of the slogan, penned by the famous poet and lyricist Vaylar Rama Varma for the Malayalam hit film, Thulabharam. “Nashta peduvan vilangukal, kittanullathu puthiyoru lokam” (Nothing but the chains to lose, and to gain, a new world). The song played a significant role in irrevocably changing Kerala's socio-economic and political landscape. Almost all political meetings and processions, especially the left-leaning ones, played this song. There was a sense of romanticism attached to the movement. Many educated and influential people adopted communism and it took deep roots in Kerala. Overnight, tenants became owners without having moved even a little finger and many a landowner found their assets seized by the government and given to those who tilled the land till the day before. Social reengineering was quick at work! Those at the bottom rungs of the socio-economic ladder assumed a sense of entitlement. Anybody with land and property became the class enemy. It seemed they all had become rich at the cost of the poor. The society suddenly appeared to turn benign and undo wrongs committed over centuries. It benefitted many and for those who lost, nobody cared.  

My cousins and I grew up in a well-off household. Empathising with the underdog was romantic. Naive, insensitive, and ignorant of the significant loss of land suffered by the family, we walked around the house playing “jatha” (procession) holding banana leaves in place of flags, shouting slogans and singing Vaylar’s song. Looking back, I admire the generosity and tolerance of those who let us be, despite their painful losses.  

Things soon started to change. Collective bargaining, a tool that ensured just wages and prevented exploitation became a potent weapon for reverse coercion and exploitation. Employers found themselves at the mercy of employees. Employees organised themselves into trade unions and sought entitlements, often unbelievably impractical and sure to kill the establishment. Trade unions vied with each other to milk the last possible penny from the ‘class’ enemy. Investors and employers were no match to the might of the collective with mindless demands. Cashew and coir once the biggest employment avenues of the state withered. Industrial production dwindled. Fields that once reverberated with folk songs fell silent. Agriculture became unprofitable and unsustainable. It just withered. My father sold all his paddy fields and coconut farms. He continued cultivating tapioca but that too, he stopped because he got fed up with suffering losses. I grew up and happened to read George Orwell’s “Animal Farm” once again. This time I had a different understanding of the book and my society.  

Soon, jobs dwindled, domestic opportunities dried up and people started migrating for work. Luck favoured Keralites. Successive governments had focussed on education. Keralites had become literate. Nowadays, literacy is not even distantly related to rationality or education. When job opportunities were drying up at home, the Gulf boomed. It was a trickle in the beginning, then it became a torrent. The educated, the semi-educated, the literate and illiterate, skilled and unskilled, alike found jobs in the Gulf. People migrated for work in thousands. Remittance initially in drops, soon became a torrent.  

The lack of job opportunities did not initially worry people. There was money to make in the Gulf. Any job there was acceptable. Although remunerations started depleting people did not mind it because when it reached home, money multiplied as the rupee depreciated. The landscape soon changed. Construction boomed, and consumerism driven by inflows flourished.  The state now depends heavily on the neighbouring states for food and the East and Nort-East for labour. Unions still have their ways of making a killing. Gawking fees remain the norm despite denials. Kerala is now a confirmed consumer society. 

Now, jobs are hard to come by and youngsters are leaving the state for good. Every junction in the state has huge advertisements by various agencies promising different ways to get out of the state and country for good. Most of them, take loans mortgaging the only property to get out hoping to strike it rich. Many with good jobs and steady incomes also leave the country. Most end up at the bottom of society in an unfamiliar destination, all by choice. Sadly, ego does not allow them to return. Even if they want to, there is nothing worthwhile to return. 

In evolved societies, the public at large is aware of individual entitlements. It helps them demand their dues from the government and service providers. The public holds legislators to account. Back home, free ration, unemployment wages, and free medical care have made laziness lucrative. Everyone is vying to get what they feel they are entitled to.

Obligation is the other side of entitlement. When the sense of entitlement is not accompanied by a matching sense of obligation, problems will creep up. It applies to organised societies, organisations big or small, families and even interpersonal relationships. Look around. We can find fault lines within organisations, families and relationships. 

Most organisational problems can be pinned to imbalances between entitlements and obligations. Some people are seen to enjoy entitlements without matching obligations while some are more obligated than entitled. Trade unions and vested interests find space to exploit the afflicted and the organisational hierarchy. It is the same in relationships. In the initial phase, the partner who feels less entitled and more obligated may overlook the disparity and even suffer silently for some time. In the long run, it is bound to create strains that can seriously and adversely affect the quality of the relationship. The silence of the afflicted party worsens the fault line and leads first to dysfunctional and eventually broken relations.

Entitlement-obligation imbalances, over time, become exploitative. Respect for established societal norms vanishes, first behind the curtains and then openly. Might, individual or collective, reigns. Law and order problems increase, and so do corruption and coercion. In interpersonal relations, unmatched entitlement -obligations lead to diminishing respect, slowly leading to emotional and physical abuse. When entitlement without obligation is the norm, society will experience anarchy, organisations will be short-lived and interpersonal relationships doomed. 

Mayday, Mayday! 

 

Venturi Effect- Profound Lessons from a Road Rogue

 

I was sitting at the back of the class and playing book cricket. Our Physics teacher was working hard on explaining the Venturi effect. “Remember! Energy is neither created nor lost. It gets converted from one state to the other,” he said. “No loss, no gain,” I found the concept interesting.  

Book cricket was my fiefdom. I made rules and decided when to start and finish the match. “Time for a drink break,” I told the cricketers, closed the book pitch, and gave all my ears to the teacher. “So, when the water in a pipeline comes across a choke point, the pressure inside the tube at the choke increases, and the velocity decreases. The moment it comes out of the choke, the pressure falls dramatically, and the speed of the water increases correspondingly. People designing the layout of long-distance pipelines incorporate it to install inline flow meters. It also makes sure that pipelines do not get clogged,” he said. Intuition told me it would be a sure question in the examination. I studied the part well.  Sure enough, the question was there. I answered well and got good marks for my answer. It helped me pass the examination. That day, the essentials of the Venturi principle became sedimented somewhere deep within me. 

Experimenting with life is integral to adolescence. When I was growing up, smoking was considered macho. I picked up smoking early in life and became a heavy smoker. One day, I decided to cut down on my nicotine intake. A friend suggested I use a filter cum cigarette holder. I could fix my cigarette into the pen-like filter and smoke.  

I learned from the manual that it used the Venturi principle to extract nicotine from cigarette smoke before it reached my lungs. The cigarette certainly looked longer, but the filter stole the punch from the smoke.  I opened the filter in the evening to clean it. It was one of the most repulsive sights. A thick, dark, brown, sticky substance stared at me from the filter hold. It was nicotine that would have otherwise gone into my lungs. I did not like the sight.  In two days, I stopped smoking cigarettes using the filter. I threw the filter away. It took me another 30 years to throw cigarettes away for good. Somewhere in between, I also forgot about the venturi.   

Last Sunday, I saw the venturi principle in action once again.  

The six-lane road was for three vehicles abreast in each direction. The median ensured it. When commissioned, the flyover and road would have drained the flow either way very fast. Over the years, the density and volume of vehicular traffic increased manifold. Now, it remains packed beyond capacity almost throughout the day. That Sunday, I was on the side heading for the airport or beyond. All traffic leaving Bengaluru (Bangalore) had to take this route. The flyover was crowded, with vehicles of all shapes and sizes. Traffic moved at snail's speed.  

The left side of the flyover had a channel with two tails. The channel split into two tails about 50 meters from the entrance. One was a lean-mean left hook that served as the exit. It was wide enough to take just one vehicle. I was heading for it. The straight tail rejoined the main lane at the end of the flyover. The straight part was the problem. People on the mainline used it as a shortcut to overcome the congestion and join the main line ahead. Slow traffic creates unruly drivers. The slower the traffic, the ruder those inclined became. Vehicles ahead of me had already choked the entrance to the funnel. I had no option but to queue up because I had to take the exit. 

According to the rules of fluid mechanics, flow at the outer bend is faster than the flow at the inner bend. This law applies even to vehicular traffic flow. I use the lessons I learned in science classes in my daily life. I kept my car to the outer side of the funnel within the lane, directly facing the entrance and behind the car ahead of mine. I was sure I would be the one to enter the funnel whenever that car moved.  

The banks of a river define its course, and the laws of physics govern its waters. That day, “might is right” was the operative law on the road. Indian roads can be elastic beyond imagination. It can expand in any direction. One needs only to insert a tyre or nose of a vehicle. A new line will automatically take shape. Lanes lose significance or relevance.  It is not rare to see two-wheelers on the pedestrian path or cars nonchalantly coming against the flow, throwing one-way rules to the wind. 

The car on my right tried to nudge me to the left and out of the entrance. Then, from nowhere, a car came from the left, honking loudly, and stopped at about 60 degrees to the entrance. He then let his car roll into the gap between my car and the car in front. I knew he had got the better of me. He looked at me like the victor and let his car roll ahead. I saw a vicious, wicked smile on his face as he looked at me with contempt. He crawled ahead, and I rolled behind. When we reached the exit, he gunned his car ahead.  The road was empty. 

 

I continued driving behind him at my pace. There was enough space for everybody on the road. I could see the traffic light in the distance. I pulled up at the traffic light because it had turned red. The man who burned his tyres to race ahead was there. I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders. Then, two bikers snaked their way between our cars and parked right in front of his car. The light turned green. I could hear him honk loudly, even as I rolled ahead.  

Life is like that. There are many people around us taking shortcuts and gaining short-term advantages. They are in perpetual competition with everybody and for everything. They derive happiness in victories they notch up, even when insignificant.  It is how they find self-esteem and realisation. Life is nothing beyond a race from one traffic light to the next. It is beyond them to comprehend that life is a marathon.  When it is time for reckoning, they often find people they had left behind through unscrupulous means and manipulations standing ahead, relaxed, smiling, and happy.  

Reflecting on what happened, I recalled my teacher’s words. There is no loss of energy, just a change of form. How true, I thought. We waste a lot of energy daily on competitions that we create unwittingly. Maybe it is time to pause and look at the road we took so far. Did we edge someone out only to find them overtaking us at some traffic light ahead? 

Challenges, Adversity and Struggles - Elephants , Ants and Kunjel Mooppan

 Child Smoker 

The car was a beast from the outside but a cocoon from the inside. The unending leg space and silent air conditioning inside made it ideal for friends to travel and talk. The endless roads, devoid of traffic, encouraged the car to race with the winds. Whenever Jose, my friend, forgot to rein in the beast, Cini, his wife, lovingly reminded him of the brake pedal. Jose and I are childhood friends.  

“Do you know how we first met?” Jose asked my wife as we headed for Khor Fakkan from Al Dahaid. I tried hard to recollect but failed. “Something interesting about it?” she asked. Jose had already narrated many incidents of our childhood since we arrived in Sharjah two days ago. We had been laughing at ourselves and reconnecting. There were times when we laughed till our stomachs hurt.

“Like all houses in the locality, our houses were farmhouses and shared a common boundary, a high mud bund we call Kayyaala. It was one of the few kayyaalas in the locality without dispute. One day, I was sitting in my house and found smoke intermittently emanating from his side of the Kayyaala. Curious, I went to investigate. I found him sitting under a tree, smoking a cigarette. We must have been in our 7th or 8th grade. He had come home from the hostel for summer vacation. We have known each other ever since.  We became close during our college days. Search for a dignified livelihood took us on different roads away from each other. He joined the Military Academy after graduation to become an Army officer. We wrote letters to each other. Gradually, we got caught up in our own lives, and letter writing stopped. Whenever we happened to meet, we met as if we had never left each other's side,” Jose said.

Jose completed his Bachelor of Pharmacy course and opened a pharmacy in our area. He met Cini, a beautiful girl with bright eyes, and married her. Like many other Keralites, he landed in Sharjah, where he found a job in a pharmacy and Cini in a logistics company. Jose then moved into the shipping and logistics business. He worked hard for almost four decades and did well.   

What Next?

During their last trip to Kerala, Jose and Cini visited us and stayed overnight. The visit cemented the friendship between the two families. “Have you been to Dubai?” asked Jose. “No,” I replied.  “You land there and leave the rest to us. We have enough time,” Jose said.  “It will be nice to have you with us,” said Cini. We decided to fly to Sharjah. It was the third day of our visit, and Jose was driving us to Khor Fakkan. The four of us, with so much time together, bonded well. Like most couples inflicted with empty nest syndrome, our discussions somehow meandered into the question, “What next?” 

I am retired and spend time mostly reading and writing. I published my second book recently. I am also a director of a company. I am happy, gainfully occupied, and content with life. I come across many others who have settled down to retired life. Older or younger, many of them were in distress due to loneliness and lack of purpose. Uncertainty about ‘what next’ persistently tormented many of them. Contented, happy, and gainfully occupied, yet occasionally, the question, “What next?” gnaws me too. 

Jose is continuing with his business but plans to scale it down. Jose and Cini also grapple with the “what next” question. He has seen enough and surmounted adversities that can decimate lesser mortals. He is not one to be cowed down by challenges, but “What next” somehow cropped up in many of our discussions. Pensive silence inevitably followed. Jose invariably brought laughter back by saying, “Come what may, Kunjel Moopan[1] is happy.” 

Struggles 

In the highly connected contemporary world, social media is king and influencer. Many have found success and have become rich and famous through this platform. Some of them paint larger-than-life pictures of themselves. One easy way to do it is to share the real or make-believe struggles one overcame. Think about it. We all do it too.

Parents tell children, “We struggled a lot to reach here. How easy it is for you.” My parents told me of their “struggles.” I found most of them unbelievable. I told my children about my “struggles.” I am sure they would think I made it up. I can never bring myself to agree, however hard I may try, that my children had to struggle for anything. ‘Struggle’ is an element that can romanticise success, however small, and make it look spectacular. Struggle makes success an achievement. 

 

I vividly recall my grandmother's words; “aanekku thadi bharam; urumbinu ari bharam” a Malayalam phrase (ആനയ്ക്ക് തടി ഭാരം ഉറുമ്പിന് അരി ഭാരം). On the face of it, it meant “for the elephant, timber (log) a burden and for the ant a grain of rice (the burden).” Those content with its superficial meaning will miss the pearl within. The real meaning of this phrase was revealed to me when I grew up and started encountering challenges in life.

Elephant or Ant - The Choice

Adversities are opportunities to employ our potential. Challenges test our ability to apply our potential. There can be no progress in life unless adversities challenge our potential. When challenges become existential issues that call for persistent efforts, they become struggles. Adversity, challenges, and struggles exist everywhere. It is we who decide to make a challenge turn into an adversity and then create a situation of struggle. If we learn to address challenges individually, we prevent them from turning into adversities. When we adequately and timely handle adversities we do not create struggles to contend with.

Adversities do still turn into situations of struggle. Situations that demand struggle also call for reassessment. Some of the questions that we must ask ourselves about such situations are given below: -

What is the ‘struggle’ all about?

Is it the result of not shedding “baggage’ that we were to jettison?

Is it an amalgamation of several problems that we did not handle appropriately?

Is it a result of ‘too little - too late’ or seeking ‘too much - too soon’ or that got us here?

Can we isolate the ‘struggle’ into individual problems and handle them? 

Do we have the required competencies and how can we deploy them?

What are the external forces and what are internal obstacles? Can we separate them?

Are we seeing ghosts where none exists?

Are we making a log out of a grain (mountain out of a mole)?

Honest dissection of the situation through a set of questions, like the ones tailor-made for individuals, above can help us redefine the situation, reimagine solutions, and maybe tackle them as individual problems rather than seeing them as one gigantic existential struggle. If we still feel that we are in the struggle zone, then it is time to call for external help. There is a sense of inadequacy and helplessness attached to struggles. There should be no hesitation to seek help like the ants. The essence lies in identifying when we need to be elephant-like or need to be ant-like.

Despite all that we may do, results may or may not be to our liking. It is in handling results, especially unpalatable and suboptimal ones, that we need to learn from Kunjel Mooppan.

Kunjel Mooppan

Kunjel was one of the farm labourers in our area. His old face revealed the rugged and weather-beaten life he led.  Whether the crop yielded well or failed, India won or lost in a match, it did not affect him. He had seen so much of life nothing could shake that man; Not even personal losses like the death of his wife and son.  It was not that he had no feelings or emotions. He cried when he lost his wife. He cried when he lost his children. There were times he went to sleep empty stomach. There is so much to learn from him about accepting the inevitable. When the crop was good, he advised the farm owner to save a little for the rainy day and when the crop failed, he said the next one would certainly be a bumper crop.  When the day was bad, he said tomorrow would be good. Many of us could underplay his zen-like existence by attributing it to the minimal access he had to creature comforts. He smiled because nothing affected him permanently. Nobody makes poverty a wilful choice. Zen-like approach is a difficult choice very few can make.

Transformation

Dunes gave way to townships, and townships gave way to dunes. Along the way, many manmade greens stood out from the natural dunes. We then stopped at Masafi for a cup of tea and found the green coolant dripping from the engine. Jose opened the bonnet took a quick look inside and asked the stall owner, a Malayalee, where he could find a mechanic. As we drove towards the mechanic, he noticed that the temperature gauge did not show a climb. The mechanic was of no help. “We push on,” declared Jose. We drove into the series of tunnels and then into the magnificent sights of all, The Khor Fakkan beach.

We walked around the beach and admired the beauty around us.  “Houston, we have a problem,” I said sitting in the vehicle as Jose started the car. “We are heading back to Sharjah. Coolant level ok. Temperature ok. Here we come,” said Jose and turned the car onto the highway. “Switch off the air conditioning,” I said in a bid to lessen the engine load. Once we crossed the mountain range and the tunnels, we switched on the air conditioning. It was a big relief. We kept a close watch on the engine temperature lest we irreparably spoil it. Four hours later we were home.

“Kunjel is happy,” said Jose.

PS: The next day we took the car to the mechanic. We had to change the coolant pump. It had broken!

 

 

---

[1] The name changed to conceal the identity of the person concerned.

I am Happy I Lost a Few Crores

 A LESSON WITH MALICE TOWARDS NONE

It was our wedding anniversary.  My wife and I had been receiving calls wishing us well. A few years back, when I was working, there used to be an endless stream of calls and cards congratulating us and wishing us many years of happiness. I returned all the calls and replied to all the cards. Now that I am retired, we get much fewer calls and cards. It doesn't upset us at all. We knew that positions that facilitate felicitations. We still receive calls and cards. We cherish them. The reduction in numbers is compensated by the length of each call.

This year, I received an unexpected call. 

 

It was about 2:45 in the afternoon. I had just woken up from my siesta. The call was from someone I knew. We both had retired around the same time. We had not spoken for years. He called in to wish us a great wedding anniversary. I was surprised. 

“What do you do to keep yourself occupied?” he asked. 

“I spend time reading and writing. I blog and vlog. I am also working on a book. Once in a while I get a corporate training assignment,” I said.

“That's very good. I have been regularly reading your blog. You take up something from everyday life and bring out profound lessons. You write really well. I am impressed. I am eagerly looking forward to your book,” he said. I loved that ego massage.  

Now, it was my turn. “How do you spend time?” I asked. 

“I am an entrepreneur. I make some good money. I raked in a few crores last year.  I expect better results this year. Even during the pandemic we did some real good business,” he sounded very matter of fact. 

I always had this feeling that people in business are always busy and short of time. He sounded very casual and relaxed. I was  happy for him. The conversation culminated with both of us promising to be in touch. Like all successful businessmen, he had an urgent call to attend to.

He kept his promise. 

Two weeks later he called me up. I had just reached my study after my siesta. We exchanged some pleasantries. 

“You seem to be vacationing like there’s no tomorrow,” I said. I had seen, over the social media, a lot of photographs of him and his family enjoying themselves at different places. 

“Actually my work requires me to travel. We took out time to enjoy ourselves. I have teams across many cities in India and few abroad. I have a team in your state also,” he said.  I was very impressed.

 

“Jacob, do you want to get into business?” he asked. 

“Knowing how honest and committed you are, I think you should be able to make some good money for yourself,” he said. 

I didn't answer. I was stumped, clear and clean. It took me a little while to compose myself. I was definitely not interested. My hands were already full with activities I love. I wanted to be polite while declining the offer. 

“What is the business?” I asked. 

“E-commerce, like Amazon,” he replied. 

I was sceptical. “Can you fill in some details?” I asked. 

“That, I will tell you in due course of time,” he said. 

“Wait, let me check if I can make you speak to my mentor,” he said. 

He put me on hold and made a quick call to somebody. “Jacob, you are lucky. He is a very busy man. Luckily, he has a slot free the day after. He  agreed to speak with you the day after at 3 o'clock. I will send you a video link tomorrow. We both can connect about 10 minutes before, chat up for sometime and he can  join at three,” he said.

“Thoughtful or something else?” I wondered. 

“What is the business all about? What is the name of your company?” I did not let him go. 

“I am not inclined to get into any business,” I said.  

“There is no compulsion Jacob. Hold your horses till the day after. After listening to my mentor, if you think you want to, we can discuss. I recommend you ask your wife also to join the call,” he replied.  

“Mentor? We both held high ranks in the hierarchy. We mentored many while  in service.  Why do you now need a Mentor?" I asked. 

“Jacob, that is where we go wrong. We all have our specific areas of competence. Everywhere else we need someone to hand hold us, at least to start with. My mentor is much younger to me. He is an alumnus of IIT and IIM. An expert in the business, he helped me set up mine. Now I am on my own running a hugely successful venture. I am making money like never before,” he said. 

It seemed like a pep talk intended to shake me out of my slumber and motivate me to dive in to look for the big money bag. “Beware,” my insides screamed. 

“I am not interested in doing any business. I would just like to enjoy what is left of my life without taking any more tension,” I said. 

“Don't worry. You don't have to invest anything now but your competence,” he replied. "Jacob, I have a meeting scheduled. We will catch up the day after," he said. Our conversation ended abruptly. 

My mind was fast at work. Something was not right. Over the cup of tea in the evening my wife and I discussed and decided to let the offer wade by.

Two days later as promised he connected. "Where is Mrs Jacob?"  he asked. “She will not be joining,” I told him. Few moments later his mentor joined live. 

“What is your dream in life?” he asked after the initial pleasantries. 

Running fast towards 64, my bucket list was already complete. I had decided to take life one day at a time. “I am looking forward to publishing my book,” I said. 

“That's great. You must be wanting to do something more in life," he prodded. 

“I have got more than what I deserved and desired. We love travelling. We are doing everything we want to. We are happy with life,” I said.

“Travel abroad? You need lots of money,” he said. 

“Not much. We plan, save and travel,”I replied.

“You fly business class?” he was not letting go. 

Clearly, he was leading me somewhere. I decided to go along.  

“I take the cheapest ticket available,” I said.

“ Why not  business class?” he asked. 

“No. With the money I have, I can either travel longer in economy or shorter in business class. I prefer the longer option,” I replied. 

“Would you mind flying business class?” he asked.  

“Who would?” I replied

“If you have sufficient money you can fly business class across the world all your life,” he said.

I sensed where we were headed to. “Who doesn't know that?” I asked. 

 

“I was also like you. Even after passing out from IIT and IIM, my wife and I were mere employees and had to think twice before spending. Now we make so much money we don't have to think how to spend it. We have made enough that we can travel anywhere we want whenever we want.  Now my business is making money on its own. I don't have to work. My wife and I get a lot of time together,” he said, trying to draw me into that world of abundance, opulence and free time.

“That is indeed great and I am very happy for you. I am already doing all that without the kind of money you are talking about. My wife and I get to spend the whole day together happily talking to each other. We share the daily chores together. I don't need the kind of money you have to be happy. To be honest, the money I have is more than enough for me. I don't think money can help me be happy,” I said.

“What about your medical expenses? You are getting old and as time goes by you will need more money for your health related issues,” he said.

I could not help but laugh out loud.  “I am very clear about it. I have already told my wife and children what to do when I am sick and cannot control what is being done to me. I have told them that I do not want to prolong life without dignity. I have also told them what to do with my body. I have insurance that should cover me for all normal sicknesses. I am not hanging on for nothing,” I said.

“You mean to say you have already attained Zen state?” he asked.

I did not know whether it was a taunt or he actually meant it. “I think so,” I replied.

“I possibly cannot help you,” he said.

“I didn't seek help to be happy,” I replied.

Clearly, the conversation did not go well. He went out of the call with a curt goodbye. My former colleague also  disconnected with a quick goodbye. I have never heard from them thereafter.

Recently, my wife and I were travelling with my colleague. In the course of our conversation he told us of a similar experience. The conversation he had, followed the same pattern. In fact he went a little further in the process but stopped just short of investing a sizable chunk of his life savings. Many people fall for the sweet talk, the dreams of unlimited flow of money and the good things that come with it and about how one can make millions through the ‘get quick rich fast’ schemes. It's not small amounts that they end up losing. Some of them end up losing their entire savings. Sad but true, those luring us with calls are mostly people whom we know or trust. Most of those calling up are themselves trapped into the web of deceit and greed. They might have been ignorant, naïve or greedy to get into it but they are simply cunning and heartless to get someone known into the quicksand they got into.

Escape comes from having the ability to distinguish between ‘need’, ‘want’ and ‘greed’. 

In Malayalam it is referred to as ‘atyavasyam’, ‘avasyam’ and ‘anavasyam’. ‘Atyavasyam’ or the unavoidable (inescapable requirements) are our needs or necessities. Without these, life can be miserable. Food, shelter, clothing, education, medical care, insurance, transport and such like things fall in the category of needs. One must have money for acquiring these. 

‘Wants’ or ‘avasyam’ make life more comfortable. Better quality of food, good house in an upscale locality, adequate clothing, access to good education and medical care, the quality of things that one possess etc fall in the category of wants. Better or higher the platform, the more comfortable life becomes. One needs more money for it. Unfortunately there is no end to betterment. The problem is about defining one’s needs and determining the limits of wants. The envelope is  infinitely stretchable and the boundary between ‘want’ and greed is invisible. One may not realise when one has left the decent boundaries of want and has strayed into the layer of greed. Many who fall prey to scamsters and their ways are the ones who have recently strayed into the layer of greed.

Happiness is the ability to be satisfied. Wisdom is knowing where to draw boundaries.

Looking back, I might have lost many crores but I surely preserved a few lakhs. I am happy about that loss.