MAYDAY, MAYDAY - ENTITLEMENT AND OBLIGATION

“Workers of the world Unite! You have nothing to lose, but your chains!” The call remains the most reverberating takeaway from the communist manifesto of 1848. It inspired and continues to inspire millions across the world, in far more different ways than it was first intended to. “May Day” presents the best opportunity to evaluate where the slogan has taken us.  

I grew up hearing the musical version of the slogan, penned by the famous poet and lyricist Vaylar Rama Varma for the Malayalam hit film, Thulabharam. “Nashta peduvan vilangukal, kittanullathu puthiyoru lokam” (Nothing but the chains to lose, and to gain, a new world). The song played a significant role in irrevocably changing Kerala's socio-economic and political landscape. Almost all political meetings and processions, especially the left-leaning ones, played this song. There was a sense of romanticism attached to the movement. Many educated and influential people adopted communism and it took deep roots in Kerala. Overnight, tenants became owners without having moved even a little finger and many a landowner found their assets seized by the government and given to those who tilled the land till the day before. Social reengineering was quick at work! Those at the bottom rungs of the socio-economic ladder assumed a sense of entitlement. Anybody with land and property became the class enemy. It seemed they all had become rich at the cost of the poor. The society suddenly appeared to turn benign and undo wrongs committed over centuries. It benefitted many and for those who lost, nobody cared.  

My cousins and I grew up in a well-off household. Empathising with the underdog was romantic. Naive, insensitive, and ignorant of the significant loss of land suffered by the family, we walked around the house playing “jatha” (procession) holding banana leaves in place of flags, shouting slogans and singing Vaylar’s song. Looking back, I admire the generosity and tolerance of those who let us be, despite their painful losses.  

Things soon started to change. Collective bargaining, a tool that ensured just wages and prevented exploitation became a potent weapon for reverse coercion and exploitation. Employers found themselves at the mercy of employees. Employees organised themselves into trade unions and sought entitlements, often unbelievably impractical and sure to kill the establishment. Trade unions vied with each other to milk the last possible penny from the ‘class’ enemy. Investors and employers were no match to the might of the collective with mindless demands. Cashew and coir once the biggest employment avenues of the state withered. Industrial production dwindled. Fields that once reverberated with folk songs fell silent. Agriculture became unprofitable and unsustainable. It just withered. My father sold all his paddy fields and coconut farms. He continued cultivating tapioca but that too, he stopped because he got fed up with suffering losses. I grew up and happened to read George Orwell’s “Animal Farm” once again. This time I had a different understanding of the book and my society.  

Soon, jobs dwindled, domestic opportunities dried up and people started migrating for work. Luck favoured Keralites. Successive governments had focussed on education. Keralites had become literate. Nowadays, literacy is not even distantly related to rationality or education. When job opportunities were drying up at home, the Gulf boomed. It was a trickle in the beginning, then it became a torrent. The educated, the semi-educated, the literate and illiterate, skilled and unskilled, alike found jobs in the Gulf. People migrated for work in thousands. Remittance initially in drops, soon became a torrent.  

The lack of job opportunities did not initially worry people. There was money to make in the Gulf. Any job there was acceptable. Although remunerations started depleting people did not mind it because when it reached home, money multiplied as the rupee depreciated. The landscape soon changed. Construction boomed, and consumerism driven by inflows flourished.  The state now depends heavily on the neighbouring states for food and the East and Nort-East for labour. Unions still have their ways of making a killing. Gawking fees remain the norm despite denials. Kerala is now a confirmed consumer society. 

Now, jobs are hard to come by and youngsters are leaving the state for good. Every junction in the state has huge advertisements by various agencies promising different ways to get out of the state and country for good. Most of them, take loans mortgaging the only property to get out hoping to strike it rich. Many with good jobs and steady incomes also leave the country. Most end up at the bottom of society in an unfamiliar destination, all by choice. Sadly, ego does not allow them to return. Even if they want to, there is nothing worthwhile to return. 

In evolved societies, the public at large is aware of individual entitlements. It helps them demand their dues from the government and service providers. The public holds legislators to account. Back home, free ration, unemployment wages, and free medical care have made laziness lucrative. Everyone is vying to get what they feel they are entitled to.

Obligation is the other side of entitlement. When the sense of entitlement is not accompanied by a matching sense of obligation, problems will creep up. It applies to organised societies, organisations big or small, families and even interpersonal relationships. Look around. We can find fault lines within organisations, families and relationships. 

Most organisational problems can be pinned to imbalances between entitlements and obligations. Some people are seen to enjoy entitlements without matching obligations while some are more obligated than entitled. Trade unions and vested interests find space to exploit the afflicted and the organisational hierarchy. It is the same in relationships. In the initial phase, the partner who feels less entitled and more obligated may overlook the disparity and even suffer silently for some time. In the long run, it is bound to create strains that can seriously and adversely affect the quality of the relationship. The silence of the afflicted party worsens the fault line and leads first to dysfunctional and eventually broken relations.

Entitlement-obligation imbalances, over time, become exploitative. Respect for established societal norms vanishes, first behind the curtains and then openly. Might, individual or collective, reigns. Law and order problems increase, and so do corruption and coercion. In interpersonal relations, unmatched entitlement -obligations lead to diminishing respect, slowly leading to emotional and physical abuse. When entitlement without obligation is the norm, society will experience anarchy, organisations will be short-lived and interpersonal relationships doomed. 

Mayday, Mayday! 

 

I am Happy I Lost a Few Crores

 A LESSON WITH MALICE TOWARDS NONE

It was our wedding anniversary.  My wife and I had been receiving calls wishing us well. A few years back, when I was working, there used to be an endless stream of calls and cards congratulating us and wishing us many years of happiness. I returned all the calls and replied to all the cards. Now that I am retired, we get much fewer calls and cards. It doesn't upset us at all. We knew that positions that facilitate felicitations. We still receive calls and cards. We cherish them. The reduction in numbers is compensated by the length of each call.

This year, I received an unexpected call. 

 

It was about 2:45 in the afternoon. I had just woken up from my siesta. The call was from someone I knew. We both had retired around the same time. We had not spoken for years. He called in to wish us a great wedding anniversary. I was surprised. 

“What do you do to keep yourself occupied?” he asked. 

“I spend time reading and writing. I blog and vlog. I am also working on a book. Once in a while I get a corporate training assignment,” I said.

“That's very good. I have been regularly reading your blog. You take up something from everyday life and bring out profound lessons. You write really well. I am impressed. I am eagerly looking forward to your book,” he said. I loved that ego massage.  

Now, it was my turn. “How do you spend time?” I asked. 

“I am an entrepreneur. I make some good money. I raked in a few crores last year.  I expect better results this year. Even during the pandemic we did some real good business,” he sounded very matter of fact. 

I always had this feeling that people in business are always busy and short of time. He sounded very casual and relaxed. I was  happy for him. The conversation culminated with both of us promising to be in touch. Like all successful businessmen, he had an urgent call to attend to.

He kept his promise. 

Two weeks later he called me up. I had just reached my study after my siesta. We exchanged some pleasantries. 

“You seem to be vacationing like there’s no tomorrow,” I said. I had seen, over the social media, a lot of photographs of him and his family enjoying themselves at different places. 

“Actually my work requires me to travel. We took out time to enjoy ourselves. I have teams across many cities in India and few abroad. I have a team in your state also,” he said.  I was very impressed.

 

“Jacob, do you want to get into business?” he asked. 

“Knowing how honest and committed you are, I think you should be able to make some good money for yourself,” he said. 

I didn't answer. I was stumped, clear and clean. It took me a little while to compose myself. I was definitely not interested. My hands were already full with activities I love. I wanted to be polite while declining the offer. 

“What is the business?” I asked. 

“E-commerce, like Amazon,” he replied. 

I was sceptical. “Can you fill in some details?” I asked. 

“That, I will tell you in due course of time,” he said. 

“Wait, let me check if I can make you speak to my mentor,” he said. 

He put me on hold and made a quick call to somebody. “Jacob, you are lucky. He is a very busy man. Luckily, he has a slot free the day after. He  agreed to speak with you the day after at 3 o'clock. I will send you a video link tomorrow. We both can connect about 10 minutes before, chat up for sometime and he can  join at three,” he said.

“Thoughtful or something else?” I wondered. 

“What is the business all about? What is the name of your company?” I did not let him go. 

“I am not inclined to get into any business,” I said.  

“There is no compulsion Jacob. Hold your horses till the day after. After listening to my mentor, if you think you want to, we can discuss. I recommend you ask your wife also to join the call,” he replied.  

“Mentor? We both held high ranks in the hierarchy. We mentored many while  in service.  Why do you now need a Mentor?" I asked. 

“Jacob, that is where we go wrong. We all have our specific areas of competence. Everywhere else we need someone to hand hold us, at least to start with. My mentor is much younger to me. He is an alumnus of IIT and IIM. An expert in the business, he helped me set up mine. Now I am on my own running a hugely successful venture. I am making money like never before,” he said. 

It seemed like a pep talk intended to shake me out of my slumber and motivate me to dive in to look for the big money bag. “Beware,” my insides screamed. 

“I am not interested in doing any business. I would just like to enjoy what is left of my life without taking any more tension,” I said. 

“Don't worry. You don't have to invest anything now but your competence,” he replied. "Jacob, I have a meeting scheduled. We will catch up the day after," he said. Our conversation ended abruptly. 

My mind was fast at work. Something was not right. Over the cup of tea in the evening my wife and I discussed and decided to let the offer wade by.

Two days later as promised he connected. "Where is Mrs Jacob?"  he asked. “She will not be joining,” I told him. Few moments later his mentor joined live. 

“What is your dream in life?” he asked after the initial pleasantries. 

Running fast towards 64, my bucket list was already complete. I had decided to take life one day at a time. “I am looking forward to publishing my book,” I said. 

“That's great. You must be wanting to do something more in life," he prodded. 

“I have got more than what I deserved and desired. We love travelling. We are doing everything we want to. We are happy with life,” I said.

“Travel abroad? You need lots of money,” he said. 

“Not much. We plan, save and travel,”I replied.

“You fly business class?” he was not letting go. 

Clearly, he was leading me somewhere. I decided to go along.  

“I take the cheapest ticket available,” I said.

“ Why not  business class?” he asked. 

“No. With the money I have, I can either travel longer in economy or shorter in business class. I prefer the longer option,” I replied. 

“Would you mind flying business class?” he asked.  

“Who would?” I replied

“If you have sufficient money you can fly business class across the world all your life,” he said.

I sensed where we were headed to. “Who doesn't know that?” I asked. 

 

“I was also like you. Even after passing out from IIT and IIM, my wife and I were mere employees and had to think twice before spending. Now we make so much money we don't have to think how to spend it. We have made enough that we can travel anywhere we want whenever we want.  Now my business is making money on its own. I don't have to work. My wife and I get a lot of time together,” he said, trying to draw me into that world of abundance, opulence and free time.

“That is indeed great and I am very happy for you. I am already doing all that without the kind of money you are talking about. My wife and I get to spend the whole day together happily talking to each other. We share the daily chores together. I don't need the kind of money you have to be happy. To be honest, the money I have is more than enough for me. I don't think money can help me be happy,” I said.

“What about your medical expenses? You are getting old and as time goes by you will need more money for your health related issues,” he said.

I could not help but laugh out loud.  “I am very clear about it. I have already told my wife and children what to do when I am sick and cannot control what is being done to me. I have told them that I do not want to prolong life without dignity. I have also told them what to do with my body. I have insurance that should cover me for all normal sicknesses. I am not hanging on for nothing,” I said.

“You mean to say you have already attained Zen state?” he asked.

I did not know whether it was a taunt or he actually meant it. “I think so,” I replied.

“I possibly cannot help you,” he said.

“I didn't seek help to be happy,” I replied.

Clearly, the conversation did not go well. He went out of the call with a curt goodbye. My former colleague also  disconnected with a quick goodbye. I have never heard from them thereafter.

Recently, my wife and I were travelling with my colleague. In the course of our conversation he told us of a similar experience. The conversation he had, followed the same pattern. In fact he went a little further in the process but stopped just short of investing a sizable chunk of his life savings. Many people fall for the sweet talk, the dreams of unlimited flow of money and the good things that come with it and about how one can make millions through the ‘get quick rich fast’ schemes. It's not small amounts that they end up losing. Some of them end up losing their entire savings. Sad but true, those luring us with calls are mostly people whom we know or trust. Most of those calling up are themselves trapped into the web of deceit and greed. They might have been ignorant, naïve or greedy to get into it but they are simply cunning and heartless to get someone known into the quicksand they got into.

Escape comes from having the ability to distinguish between ‘need’, ‘want’ and ‘greed’. 

In Malayalam it is referred to as ‘atyavasyam’, ‘avasyam’ and ‘anavasyam’. ‘Atyavasyam’ or the unavoidable (inescapable requirements) are our needs or necessities. Without these, life can be miserable. Food, shelter, clothing, education, medical care, insurance, transport and such like things fall in the category of needs. One must have money for acquiring these. 

‘Wants’ or ‘avasyam’ make life more comfortable. Better quality of food, good house in an upscale locality, adequate clothing, access to good education and medical care, the quality of things that one possess etc fall in the category of wants. Better or higher the platform, the more comfortable life becomes. One needs more money for it. Unfortunately there is no end to betterment. The problem is about defining one’s needs and determining the limits of wants. The envelope is  infinitely stretchable and the boundary between ‘want’ and greed is invisible. One may not realise when one has left the decent boundaries of want and has strayed into the layer of greed. Many who fall prey to scamsters and their ways are the ones who have recently strayed into the layer of greed.

Happiness is the ability to be satisfied. Wisdom is knowing where to draw boundaries.

Looking back, I might have lost many crores but I surely preserved a few lakhs. I am happy about that loss.

 

Kahi Pe Nigahen Kahi Pe Nishana

 Opportunity or Crisis?

"In the midst of every crisis lies great opportunity" is a quote often attributed  to Albert Einstein. In the age of social media where  fake news descends on us by the minute like hurricanes, truth is the casualty. Anybody can fearlessly write anything and attribute it to anyone famous or remotely famous. It is immaterial whether Einstein actually said so or not, but I have been given this alluring piece of advice in countless motivational sermons I have listened to. It is only fair that I in turn give this powerful and motivating piece of advice to my children. I have used it in the many training sessions I took up. I have done it without attribution. Well; it's a great piece of advice to receive in a situation of crisis. I am having a rethink.

Recently, I was driving from Kottayam, my home town, to Cochin. At every prominent junction, over the 60 kilometre route, I saw hoardings and advertisements of agencies inviting prospective candidates to go abroad for studies. Each board screamed "opportunity to study abroad". Ironically few boards were even nailed upside down. Was this shower of opportunities an ominous sign of a crisis? 

Figures

Kerala, ‘God’s own Country’, boasts of almost 100% literacy. A survey on the state of higher education in Kerala was conducted in 2020 under the aegis of the Kerala State Higher Education Council. its findings were made public in June 2021. Table No 2 of the survey report reveals that Kerala has 18 Universities and 1504 colleges. It included 701 Arts and Science Colleges, 167 Engineering Colleges, 102 Medical Colleges that include Allopathy, Ayurveda, Dental, Homeo and Allied Health Science colleges, 5 Agricultural colleges, 4 Fine Arts Colleges and 177 Paramedical Colleges, which include Nursing, Paramedical sciences, Pharmacy, Optometry, Medical Laboratory Technology and Pharmaceutical Science institutes. Nearly 13 lakh students were reported to study in these institutions. 

. 

Many who do not take admission to colleges within Kerala go their way to other Indian states to study. A significant number also goes abroad to study. According to people involved in the ‘study abroad’ business, approximately 30,000 children from Kerala have gone abroad to study recently. In the absence of authentic data in the public domain, the numbers might not be ‘the truth, nothing but the truth.’ The cumulative numbers might anyway be much larger. Reports suggest that students from Kerala can be found in 54 countries, their migration facilitated by student recruitment agencies or educational consultants, most of them without any government accreditation or approval. Even Curacao, a small Dutch Caribbean country, that is a landmass of just 444 square kilometers with a population of 1.5 Lakh people, hosts Malayali students.  War in Ukraine and COVID breakout in Wuhan troubled Kerala because there was a sizable Malayalee population studying there. Why is the Malayalee youth running out? Are Malayalees looking for better things to study?

Pursuit

Is the exodus because of inadequate seats for studies? A prominent online news portal reported in Dec 2022 that more than 23,000 seats for B Tech were lying vacant in various engineering colleges under the Kerala Technological University. It also reported large vacancies, unfilled seats, in the arts and science colleges also. It was also reported that many self-financing colleges were willing to reduce the fees just to fill vacant seats. Certainly, the rush out of Kerala is not because of unavailability of avenues for studies.

Is the outbound flight driven by pursuit of knowledge and skills? If Malayalee youth felt that the courses available in Kerala were not good enough they could easily enrol themselves for better courses outside the state, within India, maybe at slightly higher costs but far lesser than what they spend abroad. Many do that. The best colleges under Delhi University are getting more Malayalees every year. The truth is that most of the students going abroad to study are taking up nondescript courses and subjects. Such subjects and courses are available in Kerala at a fraction of the cost incurred by parents of the child going abroad for studies. Then there is something else. 

Erosion

Some people say that students take admission outside Kerala because the examination system is more lenient and offers convenience for those not academically brilliant. The rising number of students from Kerala securing seats in Delhi University undergraduate programs and that too in prestigious colleges that demand very high and stiff cutoffs weaken this argument. Moreover this argument holds water if everyone is rushing to a particular university, considered to have porous systems of examination and evaluation. It is not the case. The rush is mostly to many different self-financing institutions in Tamil nadu and Karnataka, which accept low scorers from Kerala at higher financial contributions. Though some of these colleges are reputed, most are not. Many children taking up technical courses in these colleges never end up completing or passing the course. They at best waste their parents money and get something worthless in the competitive job market.  

Those in power in Kerala certainly are aware of the poor quality of research and institutional inability and hesitation to upgrade  academic infrastructure. To them it doesn't matter that the majority of educational institutions in Kerala are not accredited by the National Assessment and Accreditation Council (NAAC). Militant student unions have played their part in eroding academics and the education system beyond immediate redemption. What happens to the others doesn't seem to bother them  because their future seems assured and taken care of. String of exposes where student union leaders and party members have been caught  manipulating the system to get certificates have come to light. Erosion of the system from within is complete. 

Those championing the local mother tongue and localised syllabus to be mandated in the education system anyway send their children abroad. They do not want their children to be limited by local education. It is practical wisdom and not double speak. Deliberately turning blind eye to systemic flaws, pretending that nothing is wrong and turning against those pointing out deficiencies, letting loose the weight of the government machinery with all its vicious might is an effective and powerful political weapon. It envelops the society with fear and helps cover up. However, Kerala is not the only state suffering in this regard. But why is the youth running away to study abroad?

Is it a case of “Kahi Pe Nigahen Kahi Pe Nishana?*

Nigahen aur Nishane

A close look at where they go to study may reveal something! Canada, The UK, Australia and New zealand are their most favourite destinations. Some are heading for Europe too. This segment is now understood to be growing fast.  According to people in the know of things,  youth is not headed out in pursuit of academic qualifications but in search of ways to migrate. Incidentally, these countries allow Indian students to stay back as full time workers for two to three years once they qualify from institutions there.  Industrious nature of the people involved normally culminates in them obtaining ‘permanent resident’ status in the host country, a migration of sorts, a shortcut. 

In essence everybody going abroad wants to get out of Kerala and India. Hardly anybody comes back to Kerala for a job with a foreign degree. Those who come back are normally only those who had gone to study medicine, because they have to pass an examination in India to be part of the medical system in India. The others coming back to Kerala after studies are the ones who have failed to secure a ‘permanent resident’ permit.

More out of despair and less out of desire, children going to study abroad find ways and means legal or illegal to hang on somehow. It is because there are inadequate jobs and shrinking avenues for job creation within Kerala. Despite all the claims that the government makes, people habituated to fruits of militant trade unionism continue to bleed industrial establishments. Once known for quality, the state’s education system has suffered a serious blow to its credibility, due to  misdeeds of  political cadres. Those who can afford to therefore find escape routes to get out and never come back if they can manage to. The exodus of qualified nurses from Kerala to all over the world and the ease with which they secure permanent resident status there, strengthens this argument. Many nurses working in the gulf are slowly moving out to Europe, America, Canada, Australia and New Zealand.  It is only a matter of time before the entire family of the nurse migrates to the new country. ‘Study abroad’ is just another way to gain a foothold in a distant land.

Costs

Nothing comes free, not even spirituality. There is a financial and social cost to the phenomenon of children going abroad to study.  Parents work abroad or within India to raise the money required.  According to data available Indian students spent over 30 billion dollars in 2019 for education abroad. This is expected to rise to 80 billion by 2024. Many parents feel that the risk and effort is worth it. Such migration commences with heavy financial cost. Students, actually parents, most of them pledging all their immovable assets, end up taking large sums, reportedly starting from Rs 8 lakh to 45 lakhs per person for meeting the expenses. Statistics released by the State Level Bankers Conference (SLBC) reveal that the total outstanding education loans in banks in Kerala  have gone up from Rs 9841 Crores in Mar 20119 to Rs 11,061 in Mar 2022. Interestingly barring a few stray cases everyone repays. Unpayable debt culminates in human tragedy called suicides.

In Kerala the social cost is visible and exasperatingly aggravating. Many houses built with hard earned money are lying locked because the owners have now become permanent residents abroad. Clusters of such houses in some areas, some housing old, ailing and hopelessly lonely  parents hoping to die sooner than later, have started haunting those with conscience. The current rulers in the state have found an opportunity in this crisis, otherwise a situation that is emerging as a human tragedy. They decided to levy additional tax on locked houses. Someone seems to have infused some sense of sanity and they have retracted their steps.

Kerala Story 

This is not just a phenomenon confined to Kerala. Punjab is already  struggling with the social cost of mass scale migration. Andhra and Telangana are also in hot pursuit. Tamil Nadu will catch up very soon. According to data available, US border patrol authorities are said to have intercepted more than 4,297 Indians crossing the Mexican border in two months in 2022.  There are more than 34,230 Asylum cases pending in the American immigration courts in October- November. According to statements made by the Minister concerned to the parliament, a large number of people are giving up Indian citizenship in favour of other countries, the figures clearly showing an increasing trend. Thus, the student exodus may not be a purely a ‘Kerala Story’. Kerala could be a small part of the great Indian story, a story that many who know may not want to tell,  and the masses who should know, remain  ignorant lost happily in the Euphoria of excavation of the past.

Individuals might succeed in their pursuit of their Nishane with Nigahen elsewhere. But, if rulers have their Nigahen elsewhere the society may miss the Nishane.

* ‘Nigahen’ in Hindi  means vision or sight and ‘Nishane’ in Hindi means aim or  target. The reference is to a famous Hindi song by Shamshad Begum for from the movie CID released in 1956

The Cat School and A Crown I Refuse to Give

It was quarter past 7 in the evening. Anne and I  were seated on the veranda chairs for our daily dose of post-dinner conversation. The day had been very warm. A cold moist breeze gently blew in. “It's raining somewhere,” I said. She didn't reply. She put a finger over her lips and then pointed towards the cat on the road.

We live in a gated community. The colony road, at its broadest outside our house, serves as a tiled pad for turning vehicles. The mother cat was there with her kitten. A child in the colony had brought the mother cat into the colony as a kitten. She was smart and grew up to be a beautiful cat. Ever since, tomcats in the neighbourhood viciously vie with each other for her affections. She litters regularly. 

Seated majestically, she had a rat under one of her paws. Her kitten sat curiously watching the rat struggling to escape. Without warning, she let the rat free. What followed was a hunt in slow motion. The rat ran for its life. The kitten seemed lost. Mama chased the rat, caught it, returned to where she was and settled down. Then without warning she released the rat again. The kitten chased the rat  but failed to catch it. Mama wouldn't let the lesson end in failure! The lesson was repeated a few times. The rat also must have got tired of futile attempts to escape. Finally, the kitten got it right and caught its first feast. “Efficient teacher,” remarked my wife. 

Jungle demands survival skills and matriarchs invest a lot in enabling progenies. What about us ? I wondered. 

There are more than one answer to each question in life. They are present around us. But it reveals itself only if one has the eye to see, ear to hear, head to decipher and heart to relate. I had my chance. This issue had come up for post-dinner discussion a few days before the ‘cat’ incident.

A friend of mine had recently ventured into the field of business. An attempt to start something, especially a business, that demands a lot of physical and mental commitment when one is well past sixty, the decision and follow through, the least to say, is incredible. My friend had retired from the army where he held a very senior position. He had a pension and could spend his days pursuing his passion. I was proud of him. “What prompted you to start this?” I asked. “See Jacob; I couldn't have handed over my designation to my son. But in business, I can anoint my children,” he replied. 

Awash with guilt for a moment,  I realised that I had done nothing like that for my girls. All along when they grew up, they were guaranteed only facilitation for their education. They had to be on their own for everything else. They did exactly that. They chose the field they wanted and toiled hard. One a Masters in Business Administration and CS and the other an IITian, they never disappointed me. They roughed it out in the wide open world and found their space.

Did I fail my children? 

Enabling progenies by creating a conducive environment is a parenting responsibility. Empowering them to achieve their goals is a step ahead. They have the authority to decide for themselves. They have the responsibility and therefore the accountability to themselves for what they have become or haven't. Handing over a crown and anointing them was never on my agenda. Did I abdicate my responsibilities?

There was no reason for me to grudge his reasons but his cause was at great variance with my convictions. Right and wrong is a matter of perception, a considered choice of every individual. He  might be right. 

Was his endeavour a pursuit of passions or driven by compulsions? Passions could be compelling but can compulsions become passions? Maybe!

It is said that survival is the toughest in The Savanna. Life and death are in an undetachable embrace there. Every death in Savanna sustains many others' life and every living thing, flora or fauna, is a potential death threat to another. Each mother in the wild Savanna knows that chances of survival of offspring depend solely on their ability to defeat death at every corner and every moment. We comfort ourselves in the belief that such life is confined only to the wild. We call it ‘Law of the Jungle’!

Think again. We could be wrong. They may be better off than we think.  A close look will reveal that odds stacked against human species are far more than that we currently comprehend. According to one study, the entire human population is cramped into less than 1.5 million square kilometers, a mere 1% of the total habitable land on the planet where as the wild animals have about 40 million square kilometers a whopping 38% as Forest. We normally speak about endangering other species by encroaching into their space, but remain silent and criminally oblivious to the unpardonable death and destruction we cause to our own species in the quest for religious, political or economic dominance. In such an environment, shouldn't we be enabling our offspring far better and more seriously than the mothers in the wild?

Unconsciously, it is the same parenting instinct, as in the wild, but greatly skewed that compels us to create tangible assets to be handed over to our offspring in the belief that they will take it forward and hand it over to their offspring. Unfortunately, inadequately enabled and insufficiently empowered, the recipients soon waste out the assets.

“पूत कपूत तो क्यों धन संचे,; पूत सपूत तो क्यों धन संचे" wasn't said in vain.  

Creating assets in pursuit of one's own passion is great, but driven by compulsions to crown the progeny may not always yield intended results. Each Empire and each Kingdom of the past bears testimony to this profound truth.

Pursuit is a personal choice and compulsion a state of helplessness.

I have no crown to handover.

Additional Input

For those interested

The planet can be divided as follows

Land mass -149 Million Square KMs ( 29%).

Oceans   - 361 Million Square Kms (71%).

Of the total landmass  (149 Million Square KMs)

106 Million Square KMs (71%) is habitable.

 15 Million Square KMs (10%) is Glacier

28 Million Square KMs (19%) is Barren Land

Of all the habitable land in the world (106 Million Square KMs )

48 Million Square KMs (46%) is used for Agriculture.  

40 Million Square KMs (38%) is Forest

<17 Million Square KMs (14%) is Shrubs

>1 Million Square KMs (1%) is settlement and Infrastructure

>1 Million Square KMs (1%) is Freshwater

Woods are Lovely Dark and Deep: The Secret of The Woods

Life is intriguing, yet most go through it without casting a second glance. Many amongst us spend a lifetime content enough eking out an existence, dying many a daily death.  Rich or poor, few dare to look beyond livelihoods and wealth accumulation. When one dares to ask questions to oneself about oneself, the quest begins.  Quest  gives meaning to life and questions that arise, on their own slowly reach their answers.

A persistent question, the ‘why’ of people’s behaviour came up in a late evening discussion with two friends, a young couple both achievers, located in San Francisco. The cause and effect notion of life, means with which it gains currency and its short lived utility found home in that discussion.  Weeks later by sheer coincidence, another persistent one ‘purpose of life’ came up for discussion with, a spiritually evolved, material minimalists and unbelievably large hearted couple, our hosts in Tustin, California. It was in one of many such discussions about programming and reprogramming ourselves the ‘secret of the woods’ became clear to me. Let me share that with you.

Most of us are led by narratives fed to us right from our childhood. Slowly, over time as we grow, we absorb these as day-to-day requisites and internalise them as a program that we all become well accustomed to. In effect,  we voluntarily live a life dictated and programmed by others. These countless lines of internal coding that covers almost all areas of our life dictate how we think, perceive and even decide between right and wrong. In fact, it governs everything we do. We seldom dare to deviate.  

The ‘secret of the woods’, I learnt was like that. But something else was revealed that day.  It was not revealed to me during any  meditation session.  It was not passed on to me by any teacher. I just stumbled up on my own version of the secret  in one of these discussions.

A favourite of statesmen like Pt. JL Nehru and Nelson Mandela and very often used for recitation competition, the poem ‘Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening'  by Robert Frost, is a captivating read. The last of the four stanzas, is widely quoted by teachers and elders alike to drill in the need to set goals for life and focus on them as destinations, as we travel forward in life.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.”

The wise use these four lines to egg us on to ignore the beautiful deep woods in front of us and get on with life’s goals. In this widely accepted taught and propagated explanation, a sense of immorality and guilt, in the act of watching snow fill up the woods that doesn’t belong to you seems to be inherent. Even the horse seems to sense something "queer" with the poet stopping near the woods on the darkest evening to see the beauty of nature. Such explanations make, mutually exclusive binary choices, the norm, compelling readers to denounce one in favour of the other. That is how we have been programmed.

Is that the only explanation? May be there could be others too.

Poets like other artists tend to be driven by the heart more and less by arithmetic equations. Best of poems come out from intense emotions of love,  won or lost, beauty or  passions.

Look at those lines bit more closely. 

Isn’t the poet portraying immense inner conflict between the urge to stay on watching the beautiful woods and the diktats of society asking him to set and pursue goals? Does the Poet say that he ditched the lovely woods for the ‘promises’ that lie miles away? He leaves us at the cross roads to decide! 

Somehow we are programmed to choose the 'miles ahead' dumping the spectacular show nature has put on for us. We also forget that the beauty being unravelled is fleeting.

While falling snow and the beautiful woods , according to many, are mere temptations that distract us from real goals that lay far ahead, isn't the poet telling us that it is such beauties, though fleeting, in life that make the journey beautiful and despite compulsions, one must stop by.

Sadly, most of us are wired such that we easily  immerse ourselves in pursuit of destinations of the journey, given in to compulsions of an uncertain future casting away the beauty of living in the present. Our actions are often investments for  future little realizing that the road ahead ends only at the pyre or in a casket. The most powerful, resourceful, richest and wisest have all had to shed their power, fortunes and intelligence behind as they were carried out on the final journey.

Life, is all about experiences rather than material accruals. Somehow we seem to hold the two mutually exclusive though they can comfortably coexist. We need things to live and comforts too. But dying to get that forgetting to live?

We are on an one way street with no chance to retrace our steps. Not one man has found a way. Every possible scriptures says so, yet believers and non believers alike have drowned themselves in futile pursuit dumping the beautiful present.

To me the secret has been unravelled.

Would you like to take a relook?