I am Happy I Lost a Few Crores

 A LESSON WITH MALICE TOWARDS NONE

It was our wedding anniversary.  My wife and I had been receiving calls wishing us well. A few years back, when I was working, there used to be an endless stream of calls and cards congratulating us and wishing us many years of happiness. I returned all the calls and replied to all the cards. Now that I am retired, we get much fewer calls and cards. It doesn't upset us at all. We knew that positions that facilitate felicitations. We still receive calls and cards. We cherish them. The reduction in numbers is compensated by the length of each call.

This year, I received an unexpected call. 

 

It was about 2:45 in the afternoon. I had just woken up from my siesta. The call was from someone I knew. We both had retired around the same time. We had not spoken for years. He called in to wish us a great wedding anniversary. I was surprised. 

“What do you do to keep yourself occupied?” he asked. 

“I spend time reading and writing. I blog and vlog. I am also working on a book. Once in a while I get a corporate training assignment,” I said.

“That's very good. I have been regularly reading your blog. You take up something from everyday life and bring out profound lessons. You write really well. I am impressed. I am eagerly looking forward to your book,” he said. I loved that ego massage.  

Now, it was my turn. “How do you spend time?” I asked. 

“I am an entrepreneur. I make some good money. I raked in a few crores last year.  I expect better results this year. Even during the pandemic we did some real good business,” he sounded very matter of fact. 

I always had this feeling that people in business are always busy and short of time. He sounded very casual and relaxed. I was  happy for him. The conversation culminated with both of us promising to be in touch. Like all successful businessmen, he had an urgent call to attend to.

He kept his promise. 

Two weeks later he called me up. I had just reached my study after my siesta. We exchanged some pleasantries. 

“You seem to be vacationing like there’s no tomorrow,” I said. I had seen, over the social media, a lot of photographs of him and his family enjoying themselves at different places. 

“Actually my work requires me to travel. We took out time to enjoy ourselves. I have teams across many cities in India and few abroad. I have a team in your state also,” he said.  I was very impressed.

 

“Jacob, do you want to get into business?” he asked. 

“Knowing how honest and committed you are, I think you should be able to make some good money for yourself,” he said. 

I didn't answer. I was stumped, clear and clean. It took me a little while to compose myself. I was definitely not interested. My hands were already full with activities I love. I wanted to be polite while declining the offer. 

“What is the business?” I asked. 

“E-commerce, like Amazon,” he replied. 

I was sceptical. “Can you fill in some details?” I asked. 

“That, I will tell you in due course of time,” he said. 

“Wait, let me check if I can make you speak to my mentor,” he said. 

He put me on hold and made a quick call to somebody. “Jacob, you are lucky. He is a very busy man. Luckily, he has a slot free the day after. He  agreed to speak with you the day after at 3 o'clock. I will send you a video link tomorrow. We both can connect about 10 minutes before, chat up for sometime and he can  join at three,” he said.

“Thoughtful or something else?” I wondered. 

“What is the business all about? What is the name of your company?” I did not let him go. 

“I am not inclined to get into any business,” I said.  

“There is no compulsion Jacob. Hold your horses till the day after. After listening to my mentor, if you think you want to, we can discuss. I recommend you ask your wife also to join the call,” he replied.  

“Mentor? We both held high ranks in the hierarchy. We mentored many while  in service.  Why do you now need a Mentor?" I asked. 

“Jacob, that is where we go wrong. We all have our specific areas of competence. Everywhere else we need someone to hand hold us, at least to start with. My mentor is much younger to me. He is an alumnus of IIT and IIM. An expert in the business, he helped me set up mine. Now I am on my own running a hugely successful venture. I am making money like never before,” he said. 

It seemed like a pep talk intended to shake me out of my slumber and motivate me to dive in to look for the big money bag. “Beware,” my insides screamed. 

“I am not interested in doing any business. I would just like to enjoy what is left of my life without taking any more tension,” I said. 

“Don't worry. You don't have to invest anything now but your competence,” he replied. "Jacob, I have a meeting scheduled. We will catch up the day after," he said. Our conversation ended abruptly. 

My mind was fast at work. Something was not right. Over the cup of tea in the evening my wife and I discussed and decided to let the offer wade by.

Two days later as promised he connected. "Where is Mrs Jacob?"  he asked. “She will not be joining,” I told him. Few moments later his mentor joined live. 

“What is your dream in life?” he asked after the initial pleasantries. 

Running fast towards 64, my bucket list was already complete. I had decided to take life one day at a time. “I am looking forward to publishing my book,” I said. 

“That's great. You must be wanting to do something more in life," he prodded. 

“I have got more than what I deserved and desired. We love travelling. We are doing everything we want to. We are happy with life,” I said.

“Travel abroad? You need lots of money,” he said. 

“Not much. We plan, save and travel,”I replied.

“You fly business class?” he was not letting go. 

Clearly, he was leading me somewhere. I decided to go along.  

“I take the cheapest ticket available,” I said.

“ Why not  business class?” he asked. 

“No. With the money I have, I can either travel longer in economy or shorter in business class. I prefer the longer option,” I replied. 

“Would you mind flying business class?” he asked.  

“Who would?” I replied

“If you have sufficient money you can fly business class across the world all your life,” he said.

I sensed where we were headed to. “Who doesn't know that?” I asked. 

 

“I was also like you. Even after passing out from IIT and IIM, my wife and I were mere employees and had to think twice before spending. Now we make so much money we don't have to think how to spend it. We have made enough that we can travel anywhere we want whenever we want.  Now my business is making money on its own. I don't have to work. My wife and I get a lot of time together,” he said, trying to draw me into that world of abundance, opulence and free time.

“That is indeed great and I am very happy for you. I am already doing all that without the kind of money you are talking about. My wife and I get to spend the whole day together happily talking to each other. We share the daily chores together. I don't need the kind of money you have to be happy. To be honest, the money I have is more than enough for me. I don't think money can help me be happy,” I said.

“What about your medical expenses? You are getting old and as time goes by you will need more money for your health related issues,” he said.

I could not help but laugh out loud.  “I am very clear about it. I have already told my wife and children what to do when I am sick and cannot control what is being done to me. I have told them that I do not want to prolong life without dignity. I have also told them what to do with my body. I have insurance that should cover me for all normal sicknesses. I am not hanging on for nothing,” I said.

“You mean to say you have already attained Zen state?” he asked.

I did not know whether it was a taunt or he actually meant it. “I think so,” I replied.

“I possibly cannot help you,” he said.

“I didn't seek help to be happy,” I replied.

Clearly, the conversation did not go well. He went out of the call with a curt goodbye. My former colleague also  disconnected with a quick goodbye. I have never heard from them thereafter.

Recently, my wife and I were travelling with my colleague. In the course of our conversation he told us of a similar experience. The conversation he had, followed the same pattern. In fact he went a little further in the process but stopped just short of investing a sizable chunk of his life savings. Many people fall for the sweet talk, the dreams of unlimited flow of money and the good things that come with it and about how one can make millions through the ‘get quick rich fast’ schemes. It's not small amounts that they end up losing. Some of them end up losing their entire savings. Sad but true, those luring us with calls are mostly people whom we know or trust. Most of those calling up are themselves trapped into the web of deceit and greed. They might have been ignorant, naïve or greedy to get into it but they are simply cunning and heartless to get someone known into the quicksand they got into.

Escape comes from having the ability to distinguish between ‘need’, ‘want’ and ‘greed’. 

In Malayalam it is referred to as ‘atyavasyam’, ‘avasyam’ and ‘anavasyam’. ‘Atyavasyam’ or the unavoidable (inescapable requirements) are our needs or necessities. Without these, life can be miserable. Food, shelter, clothing, education, medical care, insurance, transport and such like things fall in the category of needs. One must have money for acquiring these. 

‘Wants’ or ‘avasyam’ make life more comfortable. Better quality of food, good house in an upscale locality, adequate clothing, access to good education and medical care, the quality of things that one possess etc fall in the category of wants. Better or higher the platform, the more comfortable life becomes. One needs more money for it. Unfortunately there is no end to betterment. The problem is about defining one’s needs and determining the limits of wants. The envelope is  infinitely stretchable and the boundary between ‘want’ and greed is invisible. One may not realise when one has left the decent boundaries of want and has strayed into the layer of greed. Many who fall prey to scamsters and their ways are the ones who have recently strayed into the layer of greed.

Happiness is the ability to be satisfied. Wisdom is knowing where to draw boundaries.

Looking back, I might have lost many crores but I surely preserved a few lakhs. I am happy about that loss.

 

American Chop Suey Syndrome

 "I am ready. Let us go," said my wife when I reached home from the office. It was a 'half day' in the office and I did not have to return to work. We had decided the previous day itself that we would be eating out that noon.

Tezpur in 1987 was not like what it is now. There were not many eating places to choose from. We reached Tezpur only a few months before and had not yet explored the place. I also had not received much PCK (Previous Course Knowledge) about the place. PCK, in the army, refers to the inputs including notes, old question-papers and other tips, normally a senior gives to the junior in the same regiment or unit, about a training course he or she had attended. Over the course of time PCK extended its reach and now covers almost everything that one passed on to a new arrival or junior in the regiment or unit. Obviously, not many in the unit had gone out to eat. There were reasons. Officers and their families mostly went out in the evenings after office hours and came back late after dinner. The law and order situation prevailing then was not considered safe enough for evening outings. Moreover, Tezpur was away from the unit. 

Mobile Phones and Google Maps were not even distant dreams those days. With absolutely no PCK in hand, the only other way to find a good restaurant was to actually try out each one physically. Driven by hunger and not one to upset my lady, I decided to explore. It was also my first trip out to the town. I had just my sense of direction and the will to persevere to help. I kicked my Royal Enfield bullet to life and set out with my wife and child. Tezpur town was a good half an hour's drive. We drove through the empty road, reached the town and looked around. We couldn't find any 'good looking' places to eat in. With hunger pangs taking over, I homed on to a small little place where a bright board hanging outside said in English, "Chinese food". 

I stopped my bike and asked the guy, sitting outside the rickety restaurant, if they served lunch. The guy was very friendly. He called us right inside and seated us. We were the only ones. We were very hungry. The fastest he could give was a plate of 'Hakka' noodles. We ordered a plate to quell our hunger. We love trying out new dishes. We asked him what he could make special for us. 

He suggested that we try American Chop suey. I had not heard of this dish before and the name sounded intriguing enough to be experimented with. It was ironic that the two sworn class enemies, capitalists and the communists, came together to make something edible.  Both of us had never tried it before. We placed the order for the first plate of American Chop Suey of our lives. It had soft noodles , topped with fried noodles and poured over it was a rich tomato sauce. over it rested an egg bulls eye, perfectly done. We both fell in love with the rich sweet, sour and filling concoction. That was in 1987. Ever since, whenever we go to a restaurant that serves Chinese fare, we order a plate of American Chop Suey. 

It has been 36 years! We have tried American Chop Suey at countless restaurants all over India. We tried it in Thailand, Singapore and Malaysia where I thought I could get authentic American Chop suey. We  ordered it even in America. But not one has ever measured up anywhere near the American Chop Suey*, we ate in that little wayside eating place that day. Our children have grown up. They now treat us to dinners. When they take us to restaurants where Chinese fare is served they invariably order American Chop Suey hoping that we will, one day, find something like our first plate of American Chop Suey. 

Yesterday, my wife and I were sitting and enjoying a bowl of Thukpa she had prepared. I brought up the topic of 'that plate'  of American Chop Suey. “That American Chop Suey is a huge lesson for life," I told her. She looked at me quizzingly. I reiterated, "Yes. There is a huge lesson for life in our search for the ‘that’ American Chop suey". In fact it is the ultimate tool to  understand problems in personal life and interpersonal relationships. I call it the American Chop Suey Syndrome**. Let me explain.

The American Chop Suey we ate in a roadside ramshackle restaurant in 1987 might or might not have been the ultimate.  It tasted great and we were hooked on, for life.  Why? There are physiological, psychological and emotional reasons

We were very hungry. In a place we were not familiar with and struggling to find a place worthy to eat, we found a place with something to eat. Our physiological needs were immediately and completely met. It also addressed our fears and state of uncertainty. Our psychological needs were addressed. The person was very friendly and helpful. He saw to it that he first gave something to eat and then took time to make that chop suey. Our emotional needs of being specially cared for were also met. It was the first time we tasted a chop suey, adding  novelty to the experience.  Solace from hunger, secure feeling in a  place where we were total strangers, a sense of being cared for and the novelty of the dish created a halo around ‘that plate  of American Chop Suey’ making that experience uniquely beautiful and unforgettably tasty. Even today, it remains our most beautiful dining experience. That, to us, also remains the benchmark for dining experience. 

Though we haven't found ‘that very same’ Chop Suey, we have enjoyed excellent Chinese fares including American Chop Suey at many places. Comparison is inevitable but we haven't allowed comparison to mess up our dining experiences. We have come to terms, but the search continues. Allowing that one unique experience, in the distant past to mess up with the present is the most potent prescription for disaster. This is what actually happens in our daily lives and in our interpersonal relationships.

We know a few people, each of them amazing in their own ways, but having chosen to live in shells of misery of their own making. They are in perpetual search of that ‘American Chop Suey’, sitting at the dining table called life and messing up the current dining experience called ‘present’ paving way for a terrible experience, called tomorrow. They have chosen to walk forward looking backwards. Fall is inevitable. 

Once we experience something  good or bad we cannot wish it away or forget it, however hard we try. It just remains there, sometimes in the conscious and mostly in our subconscious. Interestingly, the recordings of the subconscious mind predominantly influences our decision making, our ability to process  and experience the present and plan our future. 

Many love affairs that culminate in marriages are potentially vulnerable to American Chop suey Syndrome. The partners during the novelty phase of courtship subconsciously record unique experiences and establish benchmarks for the other. Everything done later is vetted against the Chop Suey benchmark. Unfortunately the reality of life is starkly different from fantasies of romance but comparisons do not cease to exist. The oft heard phrase, “he was not like that” or “she was not like that '' are classic symptoms of the person suffering from ‘American Chop Suey Syndrome’. Sadly, longer the courtship, more likely the syndrome and more severe the impact.  Many courtships that do not eventually end up in permanence might also have been afflicted by American Chop Suey Syndrome to start with. Novelty wears off first, followed by dilution in emotional support, deterioration of psychological congruence and lastly physiological necessities. This order of degradation actually allows people to linger on in misery of dysfunctional relations longer than they should be.

It is not only confined to love affairs, marital relations or interpersonal relationships. It wreaks silent devastation in intrapersonal affairs. Secretive, selfish, insecure, violent, perverted people and liars are likely to be severely afflicted with American Chop Suey Syndrome. Most of them are likely to have suffered some childhood trauma creating indelible imprints that become benchmarks against which the individual evaluates every conversation, activity or incident. Responses from that person are aimed at addressing the need. They make a shell of misery for themselves and spread misery for others too.

interestingly, all of us do suffer from varying levels of American Chop Suey Syndrome. It is natural and to some extent required too. Most of us will turn around and deny its presence.  Denials apart, it is for us to decide whether we should be  sitting at the table of life and lament the shortcomings of the fare called today against what we wanted or just enjoy what we have. 

I enjoy my today, the way it is. I am also in search of a better tomorrow. I am also in search of 'that' elusive plate of American Chop Suey.

*With all respects to all the chefs who prepare American chop suey all over the world, my article is

in no way an insinuation or insult  to your capabilities. It is a personal experience and a lesson that

I have drawn for myself and one that i constantly tell people whom i train or help with to deal with

problems in their life

**This is purely my observation. It has NO scientific study to back up. You may look around and

decide for yourself. I didn't find any reference to the “American Chop Suey Syndrome’ on the net.

The Cat School and A Crown I Refuse to Give

It was quarter past 7 in the evening. Anne and I  were seated on the veranda chairs for our daily dose of post-dinner conversation. The day had been very warm. A cold moist breeze gently blew in. “It's raining somewhere,” I said. She didn't reply. She put a finger over her lips and then pointed towards the cat on the road.

We live in a gated community. The colony road, at its broadest outside our house, serves as a tiled pad for turning vehicles. The mother cat was there with her kitten. A child in the colony had brought the mother cat into the colony as a kitten. She was smart and grew up to be a beautiful cat. Ever since, tomcats in the neighbourhood viciously vie with each other for her affections. She litters regularly. 

Seated majestically, she had a rat under one of her paws. Her kitten sat curiously watching the rat struggling to escape. Without warning, she let the rat free. What followed was a hunt in slow motion. The rat ran for its life. The kitten seemed lost. Mama chased the rat, caught it, returned to where she was and settled down. Then without warning she released the rat again. The kitten chased the rat  but failed to catch it. Mama wouldn't let the lesson end in failure! The lesson was repeated a few times. The rat also must have got tired of futile attempts to escape. Finally, the kitten got it right and caught its first feast. “Efficient teacher,” remarked my wife. 

Jungle demands survival skills and matriarchs invest a lot in enabling progenies. What about us ? I wondered. 

There are more than one answer to each question in life. They are present around us. But it reveals itself only if one has the eye to see, ear to hear, head to decipher and heart to relate. I had my chance. This issue had come up for post-dinner discussion a few days before the ‘cat’ incident.

A friend of mine had recently ventured into the field of business. An attempt to start something, especially a business, that demands a lot of physical and mental commitment when one is well past sixty, the decision and follow through, the least to say, is incredible. My friend had retired from the army where he held a very senior position. He had a pension and could spend his days pursuing his passion. I was proud of him. “What prompted you to start this?” I asked. “See Jacob; I couldn't have handed over my designation to my son. But in business, I can anoint my children,” he replied. 

Awash with guilt for a moment,  I realised that I had done nothing like that for my girls. All along when they grew up, they were guaranteed only facilitation for their education. They had to be on their own for everything else. They did exactly that. They chose the field they wanted and toiled hard. One a Masters in Business Administration and CS and the other an IITian, they never disappointed me. They roughed it out in the wide open world and found their space.

Did I fail my children? 

Enabling progenies by creating a conducive environment is a parenting responsibility. Empowering them to achieve their goals is a step ahead. They have the authority to decide for themselves. They have the responsibility and therefore the accountability to themselves for what they have become or haven't. Handing over a crown and anointing them was never on my agenda. Did I abdicate my responsibilities?

There was no reason for me to grudge his reasons but his cause was at great variance with my convictions. Right and wrong is a matter of perception, a considered choice of every individual. He  might be right. 

Was his endeavour a pursuit of passions or driven by compulsions? Passions could be compelling but can compulsions become passions? Maybe!

It is said that survival is the toughest in The Savanna. Life and death are in an undetachable embrace there. Every death in Savanna sustains many others' life and every living thing, flora or fauna, is a potential death threat to another. Each mother in the wild Savanna knows that chances of survival of offspring depend solely on their ability to defeat death at every corner and every moment. We comfort ourselves in the belief that such life is confined only to the wild. We call it ‘Law of the Jungle’!

Think again. We could be wrong. They may be better off than we think.  A close look will reveal that odds stacked against human species are far more than that we currently comprehend. According to one study, the entire human population is cramped into less than 1.5 million square kilometers, a mere 1% of the total habitable land on the planet where as the wild animals have about 40 million square kilometers a whopping 38% as Forest. We normally speak about endangering other species by encroaching into their space, but remain silent and criminally oblivious to the unpardonable death and destruction we cause to our own species in the quest for religious, political or economic dominance. In such an environment, shouldn't we be enabling our offspring far better and more seriously than the mothers in the wild?

Unconsciously, it is the same parenting instinct, as in the wild, but greatly skewed that compels us to create tangible assets to be handed over to our offspring in the belief that they will take it forward and hand it over to their offspring. Unfortunately, inadequately enabled and insufficiently empowered, the recipients soon waste out the assets.

“पूत कपूत तो क्यों धन संचे,; पूत सपूत तो क्यों धन संचे" wasn't said in vain.  

Creating assets in pursuit of one's own passion is great, but driven by compulsions to crown the progeny may not always yield intended results. Each Empire and each Kingdom of the past bears testimony to this profound truth.

Pursuit is a personal choice and compulsion a state of helplessness.

I have no crown to handover.

Additional Input

For those interested

The planet can be divided as follows

Land mass -149 Million Square KMs ( 29%).

Oceans   - 361 Million Square Kms (71%).

Of the total landmass  (149 Million Square KMs)

106 Million Square KMs (71%) is habitable.

 15 Million Square KMs (10%) is Glacier

28 Million Square KMs (19%) is Barren Land

Of all the habitable land in the world (106 Million Square KMs )

48 Million Square KMs (46%) is used for Agriculture.  

40 Million Square KMs (38%) is Forest

<17 Million Square KMs (14%) is Shrubs

>1 Million Square KMs (1%) is settlement and Infrastructure

>1 Million Square KMs (1%) is Freshwater

Woods are Lovely Dark and Deep: The Secret of The Woods

Life is intriguing, yet most go through it without casting a second glance. Many amongst us spend a lifetime content enough eking out an existence, dying many a daily death.  Rich or poor, few dare to look beyond livelihoods and wealth accumulation. When one dares to ask questions to oneself about oneself, the quest begins.  Quest  gives meaning to life and questions that arise, on their own slowly reach their answers.

A persistent question, the ‘why’ of people’s behaviour came up in a late evening discussion with two friends, a young couple both achievers, located in San Francisco. The cause and effect notion of life, means with which it gains currency and its short lived utility found home in that discussion.  Weeks later by sheer coincidence, another persistent one ‘purpose of life’ came up for discussion with, a spiritually evolved, material minimalists and unbelievably large hearted couple, our hosts in Tustin, California. It was in one of many such discussions about programming and reprogramming ourselves the ‘secret of the woods’ became clear to me. Let me share that with you.

Most of us are led by narratives fed to us right from our childhood. Slowly, over time as we grow, we absorb these as day-to-day requisites and internalise them as a program that we all become well accustomed to. In effect,  we voluntarily live a life dictated and programmed by others. These countless lines of internal coding that covers almost all areas of our life dictate how we think, perceive and even decide between right and wrong. In fact, it governs everything we do. We seldom dare to deviate.  

The ‘secret of the woods’, I learnt was like that. But something else was revealed that day.  It was not revealed to me during any  meditation session.  It was not passed on to me by any teacher. I just stumbled up on my own version of the secret  in one of these discussions.

A favourite of statesmen like Pt. JL Nehru and Nelson Mandela and very often used for recitation competition, the poem ‘Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening'  by Robert Frost, is a captivating read. The last of the four stanzas, is widely quoted by teachers and elders alike to drill in the need to set goals for life and focus on them as destinations, as we travel forward in life.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.”

The wise use these four lines to egg us on to ignore the beautiful deep woods in front of us and get on with life’s goals. In this widely accepted taught and propagated explanation, a sense of immorality and guilt, in the act of watching snow fill up the woods that doesn’t belong to you seems to be inherent. Even the horse seems to sense something "queer" with the poet stopping near the woods on the darkest evening to see the beauty of nature. Such explanations make, mutually exclusive binary choices, the norm, compelling readers to denounce one in favour of the other. That is how we have been programmed.

Is that the only explanation? May be there could be others too.

Poets like other artists tend to be driven by the heart more and less by arithmetic equations. Best of poems come out from intense emotions of love,  won or lost, beauty or  passions.

Look at those lines bit more closely. 

Isn’t the poet portraying immense inner conflict between the urge to stay on watching the beautiful woods and the diktats of society asking him to set and pursue goals? Does the Poet say that he ditched the lovely woods for the ‘promises’ that lie miles away? He leaves us at the cross roads to decide! 

Somehow we are programmed to choose the 'miles ahead' dumping the spectacular show nature has put on for us. We also forget that the beauty being unravelled is fleeting.

While falling snow and the beautiful woods , according to many, are mere temptations that distract us from real goals that lay far ahead, isn't the poet telling us that it is such beauties, though fleeting, in life that make the journey beautiful and despite compulsions, one must stop by.

Sadly, most of us are wired such that we easily  immerse ourselves in pursuit of destinations of the journey, given in to compulsions of an uncertain future casting away the beauty of living in the present. Our actions are often investments for  future little realizing that the road ahead ends only at the pyre or in a casket. The most powerful, resourceful, richest and wisest have all had to shed their power, fortunes and intelligence behind as they were carried out on the final journey.

Life, is all about experiences rather than material accruals. Somehow we seem to hold the two mutually exclusive though they can comfortably coexist. We need things to live and comforts too. But dying to get that forgetting to live?

We are on an one way street with no chance to retrace our steps. Not one man has found a way. Every possible scriptures says so, yet believers and non believers alike have drowned themselves in futile pursuit dumping the beautiful present.

To me the secret has been unravelled.

Would you like to take a relook?

 

 

 

 

Is Descent Inevitable after Ascent – Strategy to Stay on Top for Long

Newport in Rhode Island is a beautiful place. Situated by the Atlantic Ocean it offers visitors with frames for perfect pictures. It also houses some stunning mansions.  I had never heard of Newport before, but was the recipient of the large heartedness of Issac Simon, my brother-in-law who not only suggested the trip but even offered to take us on the eighty-five  mile drive to the mansion town. The drive, one of the many such, he graciously hosted so far, was beautiful from the word go with the fall painting the entire route with colours, I had seen never before.

With tickets in hand, we actually walked into a piece of American history. Ahead of its times, each room stood out well appointed carefully planned and exquisitely executed. In fact, everything about the mansion was bathed in audacious opulence and grandeur, all funded by slices from the immense riches the individual had amassed over his lifetime. We spent almost three hours within, what was once, someone’s summer house, admiring each inch of space and every piece on display. To top it all, the Atlantic Ocean right outside the mansion premises gave it a touch of magic. I walked out of the mansion in awe of the owners and headed for the blue expanse of Atlantic ocean.

The wind was picking up and I started feeling cold even through the bright sun. As I gathered my jacket closer, and turned around to look at the grand mansion, a sudden thought occurred to me;  how are their descendants living now? Are they still rich and living like their ancestors ?

One of the first things I did, on my return, was to search for details. I was surprised to find that the wealth they had once amassed, barring few patches of comfort, had all but been either diluted or  squandered away. What a tragedy! What about other rich families of the yore?

I searched for other known rich families across the world. The story wasn’t much different. Almost all of them had their wealth either completely wiped out or they were just pale shadows of their glorious past. It  then occurred to me that it was not just rich families! Great empires, kingdoms and  organisations were no different!

Is descent then the inevitable next, after the ascent?

I recall my elders talking of the four-stage cycle of ‘rags, riches and back'. Depending on the diligence exercised by individuals in the family or those in control, the cycle may gather or lose momentum. However, the cycle, according to the elders, is inevitable. 

Starting from abject poverty, the poor (‘Daridran', in my native language Malayalam) spends his life in misery. His children having seen, experienced and driven by poverty dream of better life.  They, with fire in their bellies, strive with all their might to change their state of existence. They essentially live out their life in hard-work accumulating wealth slowly. They are mostly misers (‘Lubdhan’) and seldom spend anything on themselves.

Having seen what the parents have gone through and inheriting the seed capital and better footing, a lubdhan's  children continue to work hard and soon become rich (Dhanikan). Born into affluence and plenty, children of the dhanikan have no clue of the hard ways the family had come through and therefore have no qualms about splurging and squandering their inheritance. This is the generation of the prodigals (Dhoorthan). 

With floodgates open, wealth flows out of family vaults and soon they fall on hard times completing the cycle. Children of the Dhoorthan inherit empty vaults and debts and soon are divested of anything that is left over. They soon become Daridrans! The cycle is completed.

Despite this universal truth being known by everyone, the cycle continues to play out, day in  and day out across the world. Each stage, however,  could accommodate more than one generation depending on diligence applied.

The same principle applies to emperors, kings and family run institutions. We have learnt of ancient civilizations and their magnificent existence. What happened to them? Why did they vanish? Did this cycle-rule apply to them too?

A close look at our self, our family or even the organization that we work for could reveal the stage we are at in the cycle. It would then be natural to ask; can we  prevent the downward arm of the cycle from befalling upon us and our family?

To my mind, it all depends on how much of our hunger for growth we can pass on to our next generation and how much we have insulated them from realities of life. In the garb of making things easy for our progenies, we tend to insulate them from the rough and tough of life and end up making them unfit and inadequate to face challenges of life. We end up extinguishing the fire within their bellies rather than fuelling  it. Our misplaced love end up depriving them of opportunities to attempt, fail, learn and then relaunch themselves. In other words the current generation has a strong influence in what the next is up to.

Most of us, irrespective of where we are in the cycle, believe that we have come up the hard way. We tend to exaggerate our sufferings and discount what we got. Many believe that it is their divine duty to provide their progenies with whatever they were denied or couldn’t afford.  In the process they create the next generation that, might or might not, have an idea of the cost or price of their possessions but they certainly have no clue about its value. Even those in the splurge mode do find ways to lament their lack of avenues and resources.

It is for us to decide weather to accelerate the growth phase or let a freefall occur. But first let us check where we are? That calls for real introspection.

 

Cherry Picking in an Apple Orchard

English is a very interesting language. There are words with letters in it that don’t make themselves heard. They just add length and complexities but without them the word itself is misspelt. Then there are words, that individually meaning something, but collectively with other words say a lot different. They call it idioms.

To a large extent even life is like that; interesting from many perspectives. There are many people around us, easily visible but insignificant to our existence. Their presence adds to complexities to our lives yet they remain unavoidable. Without them around, we would not have become the individuals that we have become and in the journey ahead what we will be. Similarly there are people who  individually may behave in one manner and in groups they could surprisingly be different, good bad or ugly, just like idioms.

‘Cherry picking'  literally  and literarrily are different; so is ‘apple picking’. Cherry picking literally means picking cherries and literarrily; it means one’s act of choosing from amongst many available options. Apple picking, on the other hand literally means plucking (picking) apples from the tree and as one of the newly coined idioms, refers to theft of ‘Apple’ devices mostly by snatching.

Recently, I went apple picking, literally of course.

Apple picking is an annual ritual that many farms organise in the USA. They allow visitors to pick as many apples as they can and carry it home; naturally on payment. The amount payable is not calculated based on the number or weight of apples picked, but on the number of people in the group plucking apples and the bag they ‘have to' choose. More the number of people in the group, bigger the bag that has to be bought; and more apples that can be carried home.

People, come for apple picking tours, essentially not for getting apples cheaper than the market but to experience the walk through the apple orchard and plucking apples of their choice right from the trees with their very own hands. The bag is more, a means to carry memories home than apples. We too went for the experience.

At the farm, there were counters that sold tickets and bags. We stood in the queue and when our turn came, paid the amount, got our family bag and reached the orchard. There was a person who told us how apples should be picked and also showed us the different varieties of apples that could be plucked that day. I was more keen on practice and less inclined to be preached to! Without wasting any time, I wanted to be there  in the orchard, picking.

Once inside, I couldn’t believe my eyes.  Rows after rows and rows after rows of apple trees stood fully laden with apples ready to be picked.  Apples of various shades of red, bright golden yellow and lavish green; apples and apples, I had never seen so many different types of apples together. I stood overwhelmed by the sheer numbers.  

It's then I noticed that there were many apples lying on the floor, many of them with clear signs of having been bitten off. Since visitors are allowed to taste and eat as many as they can, I saw people picking tasting and dropping. Possibly one need not eat the whole apple to taste it! What a colossal waste? I said to myself.

Having paid a tidy sum at the counter, my mind focused on making the best out of my investment. Walking around the orchard and feasting with my eyes was the experience that I had come for, but with the bag in hand, the money having been paid, the aim somehow seemed to have silently meandered off from its original course. I became focused on filling my bag with the best possible apples in the world.

The weather was beautiful, bright and sunny. The cold wasn’t biting any more. I had two choices.  I could walk through the entire orchard once to decide on what I should pick or without wasting time, I  could start plucking from where I stood, proceed gradually picking one or two from each variety eventually filling my bag by the end of the walk. The very conscientious person, I often think I am, I decided to start picking from where I stood. I was determined to pick just about one or two from each variety, cover the entire garden and then if need be, get back to filling the bag. Fair deal or so I thought!

The story actually starts here at this point. It is here that apple picking turned cherry picking!

The first tree was very easy, just two apples picked, one to taste and eat. Every tree looked inviting and each apple tempting. But then with so many trees to choose from and each tree with so many apples to select from, it was cherry picking at its best or worst! With few varieties still unvisited, our bag became full. Unlike many who dumped, what was already picked,  here and there, only to resume plucking more,  we, conscious of wastage, decided to stop. There were a few who had stuffed their bags with apples but soon either apples spilled out rolling all over or their bags gave way. Either way, they couldn’t carry what they intended to.  Since walking around with a heavy bag of apples was the last thing we wanted to do, we left the orchard.

Wanting to know more about the tradition of apple picking, I came back home and looked up for details. As I read through various texts,  words of the person who told us how to go about apple picking became clearer, louder and more meaningful. “Redder the sweeter” and “farther from the trunk riper the fruit”, he had said. “Shake the tree while plucking and spoil the yield next year” he cautioned us. “Don’t hold the apple with the thumb and fingers and press the fruit to see if it’s ripe but cup it in the palm and feel if it’s firm. Give it a slight lift and gentle twist if it’s ripe it will come to you easy”, he told us the secret of picking. “Once in hand, don’t drop it in the bag but place it gently, one over the other so that it doesn’t get damaged” he had advised.

Reflecting on what I had done that day, I realised that it was profound lessons in life that, I had experienced. The experience of walking in an apple orchard was paid for, but the lessons for life came from reflections in solitude.

Life is actually like a walk in the apple orchard. There is enough apples for everyone to pick and the orchard is large enough for a leisurely stroll for all of us. Once the bag is full, we will have to leave the orchard. If we don’t, then what we had picked up as coveted soon becomes a burden. We have just one life and it is we, who decide which all varieties of apples we need to pick and fill our bags with.

In our exuberance of having found ourselves in the orchard and the greed to bag all of it or most of it at once, we forget two cardinal truths. First, the bag is just one and it has finite capacity to hold. Second, the orchard is vast and with greater pickings as we walk along.  Yet, what we often do is different. To maximize our pickings, we greedily push our hands deep into the tree and not only hurt ourselves but break branches and even unripe ones. Shaking the tree to get the fruit we want, we damage the tree for times to come and also drop many fruits to the floor rendering it unfit for consumption. To be sure that we are getting the right apple, we press it between our fingers injuring it permanently and then having broken it from the tree we drop it into the bag rather than carefully placing it only to realize later that the apple we gathered have been damaged by us. Rather than gratefully cupping what we get, we are mostly judgemental and having got it carelessly toss it away as yet another trophy bothering little about its utility later.  Wanting more out of everything, we try stuffing our bags, little realising that we could  end up losing.

The apples I picked that day is long gone but the lessons I learned, has gone deep within me. For what is left of my life, I shall just walk in the orchard of life, absorbing all that colour of daily life, the aroma of goodness, savour the taste of love and not greedily stuff myself for a later day.

May be, you too can take a look at your bag, decide to keep it away for a while and just take a stroll in the garden of life.