“What I really
meant was …”, or “I didn’t mean it that way …” are sentences,
frequently heard at work places amongst professionals and between individuals
trying to clear the air. This happens normally during discussions defending an
utterance or gesture that was not appreciated.
For each such confessional or explanatory declaration and occasion that
led to it, there could be innumerable occasions where possibility of such a
declaration never arose and the parties concerned continue to hold positions
that eventually turn detrimental to interpersonal and intra-organisational
relationships, creating a working environment unnecessarily vitiated. While ‘communication’, is one of the most discussed and focussed aspects of management, miscommunication remains rampant.
Despite
innumerable seminars or workshops on effective communication
and countless books, on the subject, available to
managers and managed alike, miscommunication and communication gaps continue to
persist across all types and levels of management.
Do explanations help?
Seldom does the explanation, ‘what
I really meant ...’, or “I didn’t mean it that way …”
do much good. It invariably sows
seeds of suspicion about the intent of the person involved and over time steadily
builds up unbridgeable trust deficit. For both the afflicted and the one who inflicted, it is important to
understand the genuineness of the ‘confession’ lest relations sour over time. Reaching common grounds and bridging genuine communication
gaps is not a major issue if the parties are sincere about it. Such occasions are easily identifiable, best
ignored and naturally forgotten and forgiven.
The Genuine Ones
Cultural
differences, language barriers and unfamiliar surroundings can result in
genuine and benign miscommunication. It is very likely for a person, new to an
organisation, not having acquainted himself well enough to its ways, to initiate
a communication that would finally end up in a "but what I actually meant
was…". There could genuinely be an issue of language and the manner in
which an idea had
been put across. It is also possible for a ‘linguistically challenged’ individual not
aware of the true and implied meaning of the words or sentences used, saying something
that he actually did not mean. Such
conditions are genuine and should be accepted in the right spirit. A bit of understanding and patience can create
and nurture working environments that can reap dividends both for the
organisation and individuals.
Be Cautioned
Unfortunately, the
percentage of people who genuinely say " what I really meant
...’, or “I didn’t mean it that way …” is
considerably negligible compared to those who make this statement often. Quick organisational
scan could reveal individuals who frequently apply this tool. Irrespective of the position in the hierarchy, it is imperative to
exercise utmost caution when dealing with a person who habitually makes this
statement. It is clear that the
individual does not actually mean what he says, even when he makes the
statement "what I really meant ...’, or “I didn’t mean it that way …”. Such people are habitual mis-communicators
and do so for vested interests. It is
only when confronted with inescapable situations, they come up with this statement,
mostly as an excuse.
Organisational
Remedy
Interestingly,
every organisation has a fair share of such people. They are normally grapevine catalysts who
either willingly or unwittingly initiate interpersonal and intra-organisational
discomfiture. While they may be good at spinning the rumour mills in an organisation, in the long run they can be
detrimental to organisational health. It is therefore important to identify such
people and put them in place, well before they bring reckonable harm to the
organisation. Organisations could help
themselves by providing appropriate forums and conducive environment for
employees to air their views. While almost
all organisations claim to have such forums, in most cases these exist only on records. Organisations
where communication is attended to and miscommunications systemically handled
tend to do better and grow better than those which considers communication as a
trivial issue. It pays to remember the lines of a famous poem, “for the want of a nail…the kingdom was lost…”
