What I Really Meant was…

“What I really meant was …”, or “I didn’t mean it that way …” are sentences, frequently heard at work places amongst professionals and between individuals trying to clear the air. This happens normally during discussions defending an utterance or gesture that was not appreciated.  For each such confessional or explanatory declaration and occasion that led to it, there could be innumerable occasions where possibility of such a declaration never arose and the parties concerned continue to hold positions that eventually turn detrimental to interpersonal and intra-organisational relationships, creating a working environment unnecessarily vitiated. While ‘communication’, is one of the most discussed and focussed aspects of management, miscommunication remains rampant. Despite innumerable seminars or workshops on effective communication and countless books, on the subject, available to managers and managed alike, miscommunication and communication gaps continue to persist across all types and levels of management.

Do explanations help?

Seldom does the explanation, ‘what I really meant ...’, or “I didn’t mean it that way …” do much good.  It invariably sows seeds of suspicion about the intent of the person involved and over time steadily builds up unbridgeable trust deficit. For both the afflicted and the one who inflicted, it is important to understand the genuineness of the ‘confession’ lest relations sour over time. Reaching common grounds and bridging genuine communication gaps is not a major issue if the parties are sincere about it.  Such occasions are easily identifiable, best ignored and naturally forgotten and forgiven.

The Genuine Ones

Cultural differences, language barriers and unfamiliar surroundings can result in genuine and benign miscommunication. It is very likely for a person, new to an organisation, not having acquainted himself well enough to its ways, to initiate a communication that would finally end up in a "but what I actually meant was…". There could genuinely be an issue of language and the manner in which an idea had been put across. It is also possible for a ‘linguistically challenged’ individual not aware of the true and implied meaning of the words or sentences used, saying something that he actually did not mean.  Such conditions are genuine and should be accepted in the right spirit.  A bit of understanding and patience can create and nurture working environments that can reap dividends both for the organisation and individuals.

Be Cautioned

Unfortunately, the percentage of people who genuinely say " what I really meant ...’, or “I didn’t mean it that way …” is considerably negligible compared to those who make this statement often. Quick organisational scan could reveal individuals who frequently apply this tool. Irrespective of the position in the hierarchy, it is imperative to exercise utmost caution when dealing with a person who habitually makes this statement.  It is clear that the individual does not actually mean what he says, even when he makes the statement "what I really meant ...’, or “I didn’t mean it that way …”.  Such people are habitual mis-communicators and do so for vested interests.  It is only when confronted with inescapable situations, they come up with this statement, mostly as an excuse.  

Organisational Remedy

Interestingly, every organisation has a fair share of such people.  They are normally grapevine catalysts who either willingly or unwittingly initiate interpersonal and intra-organisational discomfiture. While they may be good at spinning the rumour mills in an organisation, in the long run they can be detrimental to organisational health. It is therefore important to identify such people and put them in place, well before they bring reckonable harm to the organisation.  Organisations could help themselves by providing appropriate forums and conducive environment for employees to air their views.  While almost all organisations claim to have such forums, in most cases these exist only on records.  Organisations where communication is attended to and miscommunications systemically handled tend to do better and grow better than those which considers communication as a trivial issue.  It pays to remember the  lines of a famous poem, “for the want of a nail…the kingdom was lost…”