American Chop Suey Syndrome

 "I am ready. Let us go," said my wife when I reached home from the office. It was a 'half day' in the office and I did not have to return to work. We had decided the previous day itself that we would be eating out that noon.

Tezpur in 1987 was not like what it is now. There were not many eating places to choose from. We reached Tezpur only a few months before and had not yet explored the place. I also had not received much PCK (Previous Course Knowledge) about the place. PCK, in the army, refers to the inputs including notes, old question-papers and other tips, normally a senior gives to the junior in the same regiment or unit, about a training course he or she had attended. Over the course of time PCK extended its reach and now covers almost everything that one passed on to a new arrival or junior in the regiment or unit. Obviously, not many in the unit had gone out to eat. There were reasons. Officers and their families mostly went out in the evenings after office hours and came back late after dinner. The law and order situation prevailing then was not considered safe enough for evening outings. Moreover, Tezpur was away from the unit. 

Mobile Phones and Google Maps were not even distant dreams those days. With absolutely no PCK in hand, the only other way to find a good restaurant was to actually try out each one physically. Driven by hunger and not one to upset my lady, I decided to explore. It was also my first trip out to the town. I had just my sense of direction and the will to persevere to help. I kicked my Royal Enfield bullet to life and set out with my wife and child. Tezpur town was a good half an hour's drive. We drove through the empty road, reached the town and looked around. We couldn't find any 'good looking' places to eat in. With hunger pangs taking over, I homed on to a small little place where a bright board hanging outside said in English, "Chinese food". 

I stopped my bike and asked the guy, sitting outside the rickety restaurant, if they served lunch. The guy was very friendly. He called us right inside and seated us. We were the only ones. We were very hungry. The fastest he could give was a plate of 'Hakka' noodles. We ordered a plate to quell our hunger. We love trying out new dishes. We asked him what he could make special for us. 

He suggested that we try American Chop suey. I had not heard of this dish before and the name sounded intriguing enough to be experimented with. It was ironic that the two sworn class enemies, capitalists and the communists, came together to make something edible.  Both of us had never tried it before. We placed the order for the first plate of American Chop Suey of our lives. It had soft noodles , topped with fried noodles and poured over it was a rich tomato sauce. over it rested an egg bulls eye, perfectly done. We both fell in love with the rich sweet, sour and filling concoction. That was in 1987. Ever since, whenever we go to a restaurant that serves Chinese fare, we order a plate of American Chop Suey. 

It has been 36 years! We have tried American Chop Suey at countless restaurants all over India. We tried it in Thailand, Singapore and Malaysia where I thought I could get authentic American Chop suey. We  ordered it even in America. But not one has ever measured up anywhere near the American Chop Suey*, we ate in that little wayside eating place that day. Our children have grown up. They now treat us to dinners. When they take us to restaurants where Chinese fare is served they invariably order American Chop Suey hoping that we will, one day, find something like our first plate of American Chop Suey. 

Yesterday, my wife and I were sitting and enjoying a bowl of Thukpa she had prepared. I brought up the topic of 'that plate'  of American Chop Suey. “That American Chop Suey is a huge lesson for life," I told her. She looked at me quizzingly. I reiterated, "Yes. There is a huge lesson for life in our search for the ‘that’ American Chop suey". In fact it is the ultimate tool to  understand problems in personal life and interpersonal relationships. I call it the American Chop Suey Syndrome**. Let me explain.

The American Chop Suey we ate in a roadside ramshackle restaurant in 1987 might or might not have been the ultimate.  It tasted great and we were hooked on, for life.  Why? There are physiological, psychological and emotional reasons

We were very hungry. In a place we were not familiar with and struggling to find a place worthy to eat, we found a place with something to eat. Our physiological needs were immediately and completely met. It also addressed our fears and state of uncertainty. Our psychological needs were addressed. The person was very friendly and helpful. He saw to it that he first gave something to eat and then took time to make that chop suey. Our emotional needs of being specially cared for were also met. It was the first time we tasted a chop suey, adding  novelty to the experience.  Solace from hunger, secure feeling in a  place where we were total strangers, a sense of being cared for and the novelty of the dish created a halo around ‘that plate  of American Chop Suey’ making that experience uniquely beautiful and unforgettably tasty. Even today, it remains our most beautiful dining experience. That, to us, also remains the benchmark for dining experience. 

Though we haven't found ‘that very same’ Chop Suey, we have enjoyed excellent Chinese fares including American Chop Suey at many places. Comparison is inevitable but we haven't allowed comparison to mess up our dining experiences. We have come to terms, but the search continues. Allowing that one unique experience, in the distant past to mess up with the present is the most potent prescription for disaster. This is what actually happens in our daily lives and in our interpersonal relationships.

We know a few people, each of them amazing in their own ways, but having chosen to live in shells of misery of their own making. They are in perpetual search of that ‘American Chop Suey’, sitting at the dining table called life and messing up the current dining experience called ‘present’ paving way for a terrible experience, called tomorrow. They have chosen to walk forward looking backwards. Fall is inevitable. 

Once we experience something  good or bad we cannot wish it away or forget it, however hard we try. It just remains there, sometimes in the conscious and mostly in our subconscious. Interestingly, the recordings of the subconscious mind predominantly influences our decision making, our ability to process  and experience the present and plan our future. 

Many love affairs that culminate in marriages are potentially vulnerable to American Chop suey Syndrome. The partners during the novelty phase of courtship subconsciously record unique experiences and establish benchmarks for the other. Everything done later is vetted against the Chop Suey benchmark. Unfortunately the reality of life is starkly different from fantasies of romance but comparisons do not cease to exist. The oft heard phrase, “he was not like that” or “she was not like that '' are classic symptoms of the person suffering from ‘American Chop Suey Syndrome’. Sadly, longer the courtship, more likely the syndrome and more severe the impact.  Many courtships that do not eventually end up in permanence might also have been afflicted by American Chop Suey Syndrome to start with. Novelty wears off first, followed by dilution in emotional support, deterioration of psychological congruence and lastly physiological necessities. This order of degradation actually allows people to linger on in misery of dysfunctional relations longer than they should be.

It is not only confined to love affairs, marital relations or interpersonal relationships. It wreaks silent devastation in intrapersonal affairs. Secretive, selfish, insecure, violent, perverted people and liars are likely to be severely afflicted with American Chop Suey Syndrome. Most of them are likely to have suffered some childhood trauma creating indelible imprints that become benchmarks against which the individual evaluates every conversation, activity or incident. Responses from that person are aimed at addressing the need. They make a shell of misery for themselves and spread misery for others too.

interestingly, all of us do suffer from varying levels of American Chop Suey Syndrome. It is natural and to some extent required too. Most of us will turn around and deny its presence.  Denials apart, it is for us to decide whether we should be  sitting at the table of life and lament the shortcomings of the fare called today against what we wanted or just enjoy what we have. 

I enjoy my today, the way it is. I am also in search of a better tomorrow. I am also in search of 'that' elusive plate of American Chop Suey.

*With all respects to all the chefs who prepare American chop suey all over the world, my article is

in no way an insinuation or insult  to your capabilities. It is a personal experience and a lesson that

I have drawn for myself and one that i constantly tell people whom i train or help with to deal with

problems in their life

**This is purely my observation. It has NO scientific study to back up. You may look around and

decide for yourself. I didn't find any reference to the “American Chop Suey Syndrome’ on the net.

Recognition, Where Due

 

Centrality of Easter

Christians, world over, celebrate Easter today. The nature of celebrations is primarily dictated by local customs and traditions. The central theme of Easter celebrations inevitably remains the resurrection of Christ, the Son of God,  the sacrificial lamb, and the way to eternal life . One of the pillars on which Christianity rests is resurrection. 

Beyond Christianity

There is an interesting aspect within the Holy Bible that goes beyond Christianity. It is something that we often come across and experience but seldom find courage to emulate. It is about recognising and acknowledging someone’s contributions, often  against great odds, at great personal risk and costs. Let us revisit resurrection in a new perspective to understand the role of two individuals, hardly spoken about. Maybe you could end up finding yourself there. Maybe you could end up identifying someone like that in your organisation.

 

The First Easter

Unlike contemporary Easter, marked by joyous celebrations, the day of actual resurrection according to scriptures, was one steeped in fear, despair, and disbelief. 

The masses who followed Christ for about three years were mostly peasants, poverty stricken,  downtrodden, and the lowest of the lowest in the society. They followed Jesus of Nazareth in the hope that he would overthrow the cruel and oppressive political and religious regime. They believed that He would lead them to better days, which He called the Kingdom of God. 

It was a Friday. The very man who promised them deliverance was sentenced to death by the very regime he promised to topple! He was crucified like any other criminal. He even suffered the ignominy of carrying his own cross all the way up to Calvary in front of the very same people, those He had promised the kingdom of God. He was charged with blasphemy and rebellion against the crown. He was an Anti National.  The majority wanted him dead.  He had become a threat talking against them and their ways. He had to die . He was crucified. 

His followers were let down by His death. Everybody who  went out to listen to him was scared. Those considered close to him went into hiding. The closest disowned him. His resurrection from the dead only added to the confusion.

Two Who Stood Out

Two individuals emerge very special after the crucifixion. The first was Joseph of Arimathea, a rich and eminent personality. He was a minister in the council. He felt what Jesus said was right but kept quiet out of fear of his community, the ruling majority. The Second person was a man called Nicodemus, a renowned teacher also a member of the nobility.  He is known to have met Jesus, secretly at night to understand the meaning of being born again or born anew. The underlying fact is that both belonged to the majority, believed what Jesus said was right but was scared of coming out in the open.

After the crucifixion Joseph approaches Pilate for permission to take the body of ‘Christ who is Dead’ for burial. He was joined by Nicodemus who provided the spices required for the burial. Imagine the danger the two put themselves in, trying to give the dead, an Anti National sentenced to death for allegedly speaking against the Kaiser, the ruler. Both these individuals did not have the courage to openly support Christ or to openly criticise the policies and practices of  the ruling elite. But His death changed all that.

It would have taken immense inner courage and moral strength to publicly proclaim through their deeds to say  “Yes; He was right”. They were putting themselves at the greatest risk and likelihood of reprisals by the administration. Being from the nobility, they certainly knew what the repercussions could be .  

Takeaway For Us

Easter, for Christians, is a celebration of hope over despair and victory of life over death. But Christians and non Christians alike it is an occasion that must draw our attention to the need of finding inner strength to stand up for what is right before someone is crucified even knowing what reprisals could bring about.

For Christians it may be an occasion to  reaffirm their faith in Christ but for everybody else it is an occasion to find Joseph of Arimathea or Nicodemus within, or at least identify and acknowledge the two outside. 

For the church, it is time to honour the two beyond what has been done till now.

Acknowledgment.

I like to humbly place on record that this article and the thought behind it was inspired by the message of Rev Dr Abraham Kuruvila

Woods are Lovely Dark and Deep: The Secret of The Woods

Life is intriguing, yet most go through it without casting a second glance. Many amongst us spend a lifetime content enough eking out an existence, dying many a daily death.  Rich or poor, few dare to look beyond livelihoods and wealth accumulation. When one dares to ask questions to oneself about oneself, the quest begins.  Quest  gives meaning to life and questions that arise, on their own slowly reach their answers.

A persistent question, the ‘why’ of people’s behaviour came up in a late evening discussion with two friends, a young couple both achievers, located in San Francisco. The cause and effect notion of life, means with which it gains currency and its short lived utility found home in that discussion.  Weeks later by sheer coincidence, another persistent one ‘purpose of life’ came up for discussion with, a spiritually evolved, material minimalists and unbelievably large hearted couple, our hosts in Tustin, California. It was in one of many such discussions about programming and reprogramming ourselves the ‘secret of the woods’ became clear to me. Let me share that with you.

Most of us are led by narratives fed to us right from our childhood. Slowly, over time as we grow, we absorb these as day-to-day requisites and internalise them as a program that we all become well accustomed to. In effect,  we voluntarily live a life dictated and programmed by others. These countless lines of internal coding that covers almost all areas of our life dictate how we think, perceive and even decide between right and wrong. In fact, it governs everything we do. We seldom dare to deviate.  

The ‘secret of the woods’, I learnt was like that. But something else was revealed that day.  It was not revealed to me during any  meditation session.  It was not passed on to me by any teacher. I just stumbled up on my own version of the secret  in one of these discussions.

A favourite of statesmen like Pt. JL Nehru and Nelson Mandela and very often used for recitation competition, the poem ‘Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening'  by Robert Frost, is a captivating read. The last of the four stanzas, is widely quoted by teachers and elders alike to drill in the need to set goals for life and focus on them as destinations, as we travel forward in life.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.”

The wise use these four lines to egg us on to ignore the beautiful deep woods in front of us and get on with life’s goals. In this widely accepted taught and propagated explanation, a sense of immorality and guilt, in the act of watching snow fill up the woods that doesn’t belong to you seems to be inherent. Even the horse seems to sense something "queer" with the poet stopping near the woods on the darkest evening to see the beauty of nature. Such explanations make, mutually exclusive binary choices, the norm, compelling readers to denounce one in favour of the other. That is how we have been programmed.

Is that the only explanation? May be there could be others too.

Poets like other artists tend to be driven by the heart more and less by arithmetic equations. Best of poems come out from intense emotions of love,  won or lost, beauty or  passions.

Look at those lines bit more closely. 

Isn’t the poet portraying immense inner conflict between the urge to stay on watching the beautiful woods and the diktats of society asking him to set and pursue goals? Does the Poet say that he ditched the lovely woods for the ‘promises’ that lie miles away? He leaves us at the cross roads to decide! 

Somehow we are programmed to choose the 'miles ahead' dumping the spectacular show nature has put on for us. We also forget that the beauty being unravelled is fleeting.

While falling snow and the beautiful woods , according to many, are mere temptations that distract us from real goals that lay far ahead, isn't the poet telling us that it is such beauties, though fleeting, in life that make the journey beautiful and despite compulsions, one must stop by.

Sadly, most of us are wired such that we easily  immerse ourselves in pursuit of destinations of the journey, given in to compulsions of an uncertain future casting away the beauty of living in the present. Our actions are often investments for  future little realizing that the road ahead ends only at the pyre or in a casket. The most powerful, resourceful, richest and wisest have all had to shed their power, fortunes and intelligence behind as they were carried out on the final journey.

Life, is all about experiences rather than material accruals. Somehow we seem to hold the two mutually exclusive though they can comfortably coexist. We need things to live and comforts too. But dying to get that forgetting to live?

We are on an one way street with no chance to retrace our steps. Not one man has found a way. Every possible scriptures says so, yet believers and non believers alike have drowned themselves in futile pursuit dumping the beautiful present.

To me the secret has been unravelled.

Would you like to take a relook?

 

 

 

 

Is Descent Inevitable after Ascent – Strategy to Stay on Top for Long

Newport in Rhode Island is a beautiful place. Situated by the Atlantic Ocean it offers visitors with frames for perfect pictures. It also houses some stunning mansions.  I had never heard of Newport before, but was the recipient of the large heartedness of Issac Simon, my brother-in-law who not only suggested the trip but even offered to take us on the eighty-five  mile drive to the mansion town. The drive, one of the many such, he graciously hosted so far, was beautiful from the word go with the fall painting the entire route with colours, I had seen never before.

With tickets in hand, we actually walked into a piece of American history. Ahead of its times, each room stood out well appointed carefully planned and exquisitely executed. In fact, everything about the mansion was bathed in audacious opulence and grandeur, all funded by slices from the immense riches the individual had amassed over his lifetime. We spent almost three hours within, what was once, someone’s summer house, admiring each inch of space and every piece on display. To top it all, the Atlantic Ocean right outside the mansion premises gave it a touch of magic. I walked out of the mansion in awe of the owners and headed for the blue expanse of Atlantic ocean.

The wind was picking up and I started feeling cold even through the bright sun. As I gathered my jacket closer, and turned around to look at the grand mansion, a sudden thought occurred to me;  how are their descendants living now? Are they still rich and living like their ancestors ?

One of the first things I did, on my return, was to search for details. I was surprised to find that the wealth they had once amassed, barring few patches of comfort, had all but been either diluted or  squandered away. What a tragedy! What about other rich families of the yore?

I searched for other known rich families across the world. The story wasn’t much different. Almost all of them had their wealth either completely wiped out or they were just pale shadows of their glorious past. It  then occurred to me that it was not just rich families! Great empires, kingdoms and  organisations were no different!

Is descent then the inevitable next, after the ascent?

I recall my elders talking of the four-stage cycle of ‘rags, riches and back'. Depending on the diligence exercised by individuals in the family or those in control, the cycle may gather or lose momentum. However, the cycle, according to the elders, is inevitable. 

Starting from abject poverty, the poor (‘Daridran', in my native language Malayalam) spends his life in misery. His children having seen, experienced and driven by poverty dream of better life.  They, with fire in their bellies, strive with all their might to change their state of existence. They essentially live out their life in hard-work accumulating wealth slowly. They are mostly misers (‘Lubdhan’) and seldom spend anything on themselves.

Having seen what the parents have gone through and inheriting the seed capital and better footing, a lubdhan's  children continue to work hard and soon become rich (Dhanikan). Born into affluence and plenty, children of the dhanikan have no clue of the hard ways the family had come through and therefore have no qualms about splurging and squandering their inheritance. This is the generation of the prodigals (Dhoorthan). 

With floodgates open, wealth flows out of family vaults and soon they fall on hard times completing the cycle. Children of the Dhoorthan inherit empty vaults and debts and soon are divested of anything that is left over. They soon become Daridrans! The cycle is completed.

Despite this universal truth being known by everyone, the cycle continues to play out, day in  and day out across the world. Each stage, however,  could accommodate more than one generation depending on diligence applied.

The same principle applies to emperors, kings and family run institutions. We have learnt of ancient civilizations and their magnificent existence. What happened to them? Why did they vanish? Did this cycle-rule apply to them too?

A close look at our self, our family or even the organization that we work for could reveal the stage we are at in the cycle. It would then be natural to ask; can we  prevent the downward arm of the cycle from befalling upon us and our family?

To my mind, it all depends on how much of our hunger for growth we can pass on to our next generation and how much we have insulated them from realities of life. In the garb of making things easy for our progenies, we tend to insulate them from the rough and tough of life and end up making them unfit and inadequate to face challenges of life. We end up extinguishing the fire within their bellies rather than fuelling  it. Our misplaced love end up depriving them of opportunities to attempt, fail, learn and then relaunch themselves. In other words the current generation has a strong influence in what the next is up to.

Most of us, irrespective of where we are in the cycle, believe that we have come up the hard way. We tend to exaggerate our sufferings and discount what we got. Many believe that it is their divine duty to provide their progenies with whatever they were denied or couldn’t afford.  In the process they create the next generation that, might or might not, have an idea of the cost or price of their possessions but they certainly have no clue about its value. Even those in the splurge mode do find ways to lament their lack of avenues and resources.

It is for us to decide weather to accelerate the growth phase or let a freefall occur. But first let us check where we are? That calls for real introspection.

 

Cherry Picking in an Apple Orchard

English is a very interesting language. There are words with letters in it that don’t make themselves heard. They just add length and complexities but without them the word itself is misspelt. Then there are words, that individually meaning something, but collectively with other words say a lot different. They call it idioms.

To a large extent even life is like that; interesting from many perspectives. There are many people around us, easily visible but insignificant to our existence. Their presence adds to complexities to our lives yet they remain unavoidable. Without them around, we would not have become the individuals that we have become and in the journey ahead what we will be. Similarly there are people who  individually may behave in one manner and in groups they could surprisingly be different, good bad or ugly, just like idioms.

‘Cherry picking'  literally  and literarrily are different; so is ‘apple picking’. Cherry picking literally means picking cherries and literarrily; it means one’s act of choosing from amongst many available options. Apple picking, on the other hand literally means plucking (picking) apples from the tree and as one of the newly coined idioms, refers to theft of ‘Apple’ devices mostly by snatching.

Recently, I went apple picking, literally of course.

Apple picking is an annual ritual that many farms organise in the USA. They allow visitors to pick as many apples as they can and carry it home; naturally on payment. The amount payable is not calculated based on the number or weight of apples picked, but on the number of people in the group plucking apples and the bag they ‘have to' choose. More the number of people in the group, bigger the bag that has to be bought; and more apples that can be carried home.

People, come for apple picking tours, essentially not for getting apples cheaper than the market but to experience the walk through the apple orchard and plucking apples of their choice right from the trees with their very own hands. The bag is more, a means to carry memories home than apples. We too went for the experience.

At the farm, there were counters that sold tickets and bags. We stood in the queue and when our turn came, paid the amount, got our family bag and reached the orchard. There was a person who told us how apples should be picked and also showed us the different varieties of apples that could be plucked that day. I was more keen on practice and less inclined to be preached to! Without wasting any time, I wanted to be there  in the orchard, picking.

Once inside, I couldn’t believe my eyes.  Rows after rows and rows after rows of apple trees stood fully laden with apples ready to be picked.  Apples of various shades of red, bright golden yellow and lavish green; apples and apples, I had never seen so many different types of apples together. I stood overwhelmed by the sheer numbers.  

It's then I noticed that there were many apples lying on the floor, many of them with clear signs of having been bitten off. Since visitors are allowed to taste and eat as many as they can, I saw people picking tasting and dropping. Possibly one need not eat the whole apple to taste it! What a colossal waste? I said to myself.

Having paid a tidy sum at the counter, my mind focused on making the best out of my investment. Walking around the orchard and feasting with my eyes was the experience that I had come for, but with the bag in hand, the money having been paid, the aim somehow seemed to have silently meandered off from its original course. I became focused on filling my bag with the best possible apples in the world.

The weather was beautiful, bright and sunny. The cold wasn’t biting any more. I had two choices.  I could walk through the entire orchard once to decide on what I should pick or without wasting time, I  could start plucking from where I stood, proceed gradually picking one or two from each variety eventually filling my bag by the end of the walk. The very conscientious person, I often think I am, I decided to start picking from where I stood. I was determined to pick just about one or two from each variety, cover the entire garden and then if need be, get back to filling the bag. Fair deal or so I thought!

The story actually starts here at this point. It is here that apple picking turned cherry picking!

The first tree was very easy, just two apples picked, one to taste and eat. Every tree looked inviting and each apple tempting. But then with so many trees to choose from and each tree with so many apples to select from, it was cherry picking at its best or worst! With few varieties still unvisited, our bag became full. Unlike many who dumped, what was already picked,  here and there, only to resume plucking more,  we, conscious of wastage, decided to stop. There were a few who had stuffed their bags with apples but soon either apples spilled out rolling all over or their bags gave way. Either way, they couldn’t carry what they intended to.  Since walking around with a heavy bag of apples was the last thing we wanted to do, we left the orchard.

Wanting to know more about the tradition of apple picking, I came back home and looked up for details. As I read through various texts,  words of the person who told us how to go about apple picking became clearer, louder and more meaningful. “Redder the sweeter” and “farther from the trunk riper the fruit”, he had said. “Shake the tree while plucking and spoil the yield next year” he cautioned us. “Don’t hold the apple with the thumb and fingers and press the fruit to see if it’s ripe but cup it in the palm and feel if it’s firm. Give it a slight lift and gentle twist if it’s ripe it will come to you easy”, he told us the secret of picking. “Once in hand, don’t drop it in the bag but place it gently, one over the other so that it doesn’t get damaged” he had advised.

Reflecting on what I had done that day, I realised that it was profound lessons in life that, I had experienced. The experience of walking in an apple orchard was paid for, but the lessons for life came from reflections in solitude.

Life is actually like a walk in the apple orchard. There is enough apples for everyone to pick and the orchard is large enough for a leisurely stroll for all of us. Once the bag is full, we will have to leave the orchard. If we don’t, then what we had picked up as coveted soon becomes a burden. We have just one life and it is we, who decide which all varieties of apples we need to pick and fill our bags with.

In our exuberance of having found ourselves in the orchard and the greed to bag all of it or most of it at once, we forget two cardinal truths. First, the bag is just one and it has finite capacity to hold. Second, the orchard is vast and with greater pickings as we walk along.  Yet, what we often do is different. To maximize our pickings, we greedily push our hands deep into the tree and not only hurt ourselves but break branches and even unripe ones. Shaking the tree to get the fruit we want, we damage the tree for times to come and also drop many fruits to the floor rendering it unfit for consumption. To be sure that we are getting the right apple, we press it between our fingers injuring it permanently and then having broken it from the tree we drop it into the bag rather than carefully placing it only to realize later that the apple we gathered have been damaged by us. Rather than gratefully cupping what we get, we are mostly judgemental and having got it carelessly toss it away as yet another trophy bothering little about its utility later.  Wanting more out of everything, we try stuffing our bags, little realising that we could  end up losing.

The apples I picked that day is long gone but the lessons I learned, has gone deep within me. For what is left of my life, I shall just walk in the orchard of life, absorbing all that colour of daily life, the aroma of goodness, savour the taste of love and not greedily stuff myself for a later day.

May be, you too can take a look at your bag, decide to keep it away for a while and just take a stroll in the garden of life.

Falling in Love with a Fall in Boston - Beyond What The Eyes See

I had heard a lot about the Boston fall and the dramatic change in colours from green to hues of yellow and red. I timed my visit to Boston to see the faint footsteps of fall, experience it getting louder and more colourful as it sweeps the entire area awash in colours.

I am enjoying every bit of it.

 'Autumn' and 'Fall’ are used interchangeably to capture the same essence of time bridging summer and winter. Autumn wears an attire of formality whereas fall brings along a poetic and philosophical feel appropriate to the annual event.

In the northern hemisphere fall commences with the autumnal equinox, the day, sun crosses the celestial equator, the imaginary extension of Earth’s equator in space. It normally happens between 21st to 24th September. Fall ends with winter solstice. Also called ‘hibernal solstice’, winter solstice occurs when the poles reach its maximum tilt away from the Sun. Winter solstice, therefore has the shortest day and longest night of the year. Then on, days start creeping upon nights till summer solstice gets revenge with the longest day and shortest night. The cycle, like it ever was, continues. Naturally both hemispheres have separate fall, winter and summer solstice.

The fall is interesting as it signals change in seasons offering us a spectacular feast for the eyes, a foliage that continuously changes colours. All trees do not change colours. Only the deciduous trees take part in this spectacle. For the cursory eyes, it may just be a change in colours, but for nature it is a complex process and for the trees a survival mechanism. In fact, it is the signal that the tree is shutting down its kitchen, the leaves, because it is running short on its fuel, the sunlight. Chlorophyll that gives trees its green and does photosynthesis, the process of converting sunlight into energy, starts breaking down. As chlorophyll breaks down, it exposes the underlying yellow (xanthophylls), orange (carotenes) and red (anthocyanins) pigments within the leaf. The catalyst for the change are primarily temperature and moisture. Since there are countless permutations and combinations of these two variables, no two falls can be alike! As fall progresses, each leaf starts gradually taking new colours, simultaneously weakening at the stem. Then having put on a spectacular show takes a final bow and falls down. The fall is all about swan songs; swan song of each leaf that once started its life journey with the tree as hope and goes on to contribute its might to the tree irrespective of the size of the tree .

The science behind what we see is important to understand why and how it happens. My interests, however in the fall was less for scientific reasons and more for what lessons it can give me.

Accept it or not we are part of nature and are inseparably linked to everything around us. There is so much beyond what eyes can see. Look close; Fall is a great lesson for all of us.

We all have our seasons of springs, summers, autumns and winters. For some of us life could be enviably long springs and summers. Life could be a dream run with neither autumns nor winters. But for many of us life could be very different. 

Barely noticeable springs and inconsequential summers that seem to finish even before it started could be condemned to obscure oblivion by immer challenging falls leading to extremely severe winters that linger till eternity. For reasons known or unknown life could just turn nasty.

 Like it or not; life’s like that.

We all respond to crises differently. Some like the evergreen trees may show no sign of approaching winter. They may easily weather challenging winters in life or even wither without warnings. But most of us show signs like the deciduous. When tough times come calling, signs show up in many ways, however hard we may try.  As life's winter gets closer and harsher, many, who we think will stand by us, fade away into unfriendly shadows or outright give up on us pretending they haven’t seen us in their life time. Worst are those who will confront us with often heard unjustifiable “I told you".

We could lose our greens, turn yellow in loneliness and go red in sorrows and losses. It's then that we should call to play our inner strengths

If we are rooted well in our belief of a better tomorrow, even while we face losses, we can let go of our leaves with dignity and conserve to weather the storm ahead. It’s autumns in life that help us know our true friends and strength.

Every winter however long and severe it may be, will have to end in spring.  Reassuring sunlight will come and with it new opportunities and hope. If the roots are intact, be assured, life will send shoots out, buds will emerge and the tree shall be full of greens once again.

As you enjoy the colours of fall, remember it’s the swan song for leaves but not for the tree. For the tree spring is about to come. Concentrate on sending the roots even further down.

Harvesting Cognitive Dissonance

 Go Along 

Comical acts online or on TV, invariably comes along with an abundant dose of ‘canned laughter [1]’. We might miss the joke but not the laughter. Sooner than later, we too tend to laugh along; even when we don't quite get the joke. Our compulsion to go along is more pronounced when there are people around!  

WhatsApp group discussions play it out best. Anyone could have initiated it but inevitably, it gravitates to align with the opinion of an individual or a group of individuals. Initially there could be many widely differing views; strong, loud and clear. As discussions progress, differing voices either fall in line, or just fade into silence. Views that differ from the majoritarian are gradually given up, willfully or under pressure. It is not always necessary for the majoritarian opinion to be correct legal or valid, yet everyone goes along! Don't believe it ?

Revisit previous discussions on your mobile; it could provide undeniable proof! You can easily identify the dominant ones, the dormant mutes and the browbeaten. Eventually everyone tends to go along; to be in the group.  

Two seemingly isolated events but connected by a profound human compulsion called cognitive dissonance; the compelling desire to be with the dominant majority! 

 

Do We Always Go Along  

When our thoughts run contrary to the one predominantly held there is a sense of discomfort within us and we are driven to address it. The easiest way is to align oneself with the majority in view. Individuals to start with, homes, society and even Nation States are not exempted from this behavioral aspect. The degree and intensity of the dissonance experienced differs from person to person. More rooted one is to one’s belief, higher is the intensity of discomfort. If the dissonance has existential risk attached, likelihood of ‘going along’ is stronger.  After all North Koreans adore their leader!  

What happens when there is no existential threat? 

 

Conscience versus Pragmatism 

Mob lynching has become a common occurrence in many places. Individually nobody likes to kill or be killed. But seldom do we find anyone from within trying to prevent the mob from lynching the hapless. At least momentarily conscience of each individual in the mob goes dead.  

Many a time, people tend to go along even when they know, what they're going along with, may not be right. The discord within one’s conscience is often drowned in rudimentary survival need of being part of a group; the predominant human trait that helped us survive the wild, create societies and nation states and even wage wars against one another! Deeply imprinted into our genes, as an acquired  trait and perfected in the course of one's life, giving in to the majoritarian view guarantee us our place in the group and provides a sense of protection irrespective of what we hold as right or wrong. After all; it is more important to be alive to fight another day for another cause that may be more important to us: though that day may never come! In the choice between living by one’s conscience and being alive, spine gives way to survival instincts.   

The debate necessarily need not be on survival issues. Yet; it is it easier to be part of a group even though one knows that the group’s view or decision is wrong. It is our innate quality that draws us closer to the group even against the call of our conscience, justifying the unjustifiable. Those who stand firm by their conscience are either expelled from the group or forced to get out. They either perish in solitude or emerge separately creating groups that hold another set of views seemingly driven by their conscience. This is the path seldom trodden.  

Understanding Majority

Majority may not necessarily be defined in numerical sense always. One strong man can create a majority being the nucleus. Others, join for selfish reasons and the bulk, is made up of people often referred to as silent majority. They are there for fear of being seen holding contrary views. They easily shift to another power center when the wind blows that way. 

Driven by incompetence to voice, impotence to stand up and be heard, they are easily afflicted by cognitive dissonance. Organisations, associations and such bodies are infested with such people; certainly selfish and often scheming.   

Can Cognitive dissonance be productively channeled? 

 

The Mantra for Corporates

Getting teams to deliver and meet deadlines is one aspect that every organization wants. While diversity in skills, domain expertise and opinions add to the quality of options generated, success depends on convergence of thoughts post decision on the way forward and unity in action thereafter. Cognitive dissonance can be ‘managed’ effectively without impinging on individual’s esteem and eroding his skill set and willingness to deploy it. If such a conducive climate is created it can help the organisation reap rich.  

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[1] Canned laughter or laugh track is the pre-recorded laughter inserted into a audio or video programme. It is essentially a cue for those watching or listening to laugh.

Milk Negativity for Gains

 

Exhortations

The most repeated exhortation in motivational and corporate training circuits is about remaining positive’ irrespective of circumstances. Having been on the circuit, I have done it, many times over.  But talks about positivity is meaningless unless we understand negativity, its contours and content and context.

Negativity is everywhere. Overt or covert in application, crass or sophisticated in execution, words or deeds its manifestation, its existence recognised within or experienced from outside, negativity comes in countless shades and has little in common to call as character. Inseparable companion for some, identity for few, fuel for aggression or weapon of defense for many, we encounter negativity in some form every day.

Interestingly, people reeking of negativity complain most about others’ negativity.

 

Power of Negativity

I realised the power of ‘negativity’, first time in the mathematics class. We were attempting to solve a linear equation. When answers were called in, we found ourselves in two camps. All of us noticed the negative sign but most of us ignored its implications and turned in wrong. The vigilant few who recognised its power took appropriate steps turned in right.

Life is like that; you ignore negativity to your peril. It is omnipresent. Success and happiness to a large extent depends on how well, one can recognise and manage negativity in life’s equations. Unmanaged, it can be overwhelming. Negativity can impact personal life, as also play significant roles in shaping social issues and its outcomes.

Irrespective of its nature and purpose, negativity commences with and from individuals. Whether it is out of an inherent psychological disorder and consequent delinquent compulsions or as an element of purpose, it needs perpetrators and victims; person, persons or groups. Easily weaponised, it can vitiate even the most pristine and benign of environments.

Negativity, becomes a weapon of menacing potency, only if it finds conducive mediums and through them attain the threshold kinetic energy. It is true for individuals, groups, organisations and society.

Weaponising Negativity

Most of us, if not all, suffer from bouts of negativity. It is a natural survival kit that warns us of threats. It kick-starts instincts to survive adversities. Apprehension and anxiety we experience are negativity elements, but extremely useful survival tools. But when negativity persists and becomes the identity and predominant trait of an individual, it is a problem.  Individuals become negative mostly out of unaddressed inadequacies.

Negative outlook, in most cases, is a carryover of abusive childhood, intense physical or psychological trauma suffered anytime in life or flawed upbringing. From the cause and effect perspective, negativity comes from deep sense of insecurity. Responses may vary.

Negative individuals tend to see threat where none exists. Even in the best of situations they can create monsters, play spoilsport, experience discrimination, imagine apocalypse and seed and spread disharmony where such eventualities are otherwise impossible. Some of them do it deliberately and others do it by compulsion. Low on self-esteem,  most of them unsocial and at times anti-social, some withdraw into shells they create, few turn quarrelsome and violent but most are content being selfish and manipulative; and seem to gain immense pleasure even from small acts of disturbances they cause. Mistrust and being untrustworthy are sure signs of deep-rooted negativity. Education, economic status, job profiles or place in the social ladder don’t matter.  Apparently leading normal lives and earning livelihoods, they infect the environment they live in.

Look around; one may find such people.

Negative people seldom recognise their plight. Most of them live in denial, oblivious to their own misery and the misery they spread. Few weaponise it to achieve short-term objectives oblivious to long-term losses.  When others are inconvenienced because of them, they become convinced of the effectiveness of their strategy, only to compound their illness further. Those who can, avoid them and those who can’t, suffer fait accompli.

 

Harvest From Negative Narratives

Negativity is contagious and easily spreads through association. It is the most effective means to get messages across big audiences.

It is natural to view existential threats with apprehension. If such a narrative is created and propagated, it spreads and grips the community. Each individual, if not extremely diligent, by instinct becomes a medium and diligence is a rarity.  More the mediums, more virulent becomes negative narratives. Initially only a few may add content but as is wont, mass gets added arithmetically in the beginning, geometrically then and imaginatively exponential thereafter. 

There are people who thrive milking negativity. Many politicians and religious teachers, world over, exploit their ‘subjects’ deliberately injecting negativity. When the group is fed narratives of an impending doom, mostly conjured and propped up with lies dressed as truth, the threat looks real. The group, then naturally listens. Those who bite the bait not only believe in the ‘negative’ but go around baiting others. World across, the wily have come to power using this magic formula.  

Once ‘we’ and ‘they’ are defined, minds become fertile grounds for negativity. Almost all contemporary political campaigns across the world effectively uses negativity to garner votes. Social media proliferation is a boon for virulent spread of such narratives. Spreading fear about after-life consequences or threat from other religions or even sects within, some religious leaders harvest money, fame and power from negativity.  Growth of most cults, if mapped, often reveal underlying threads of ‘negative’ narratives

Group-negativity, initially is confined to words. However it soon turns into deeds and left unmanaged become reprisals against the ‘other’. The silent many who remained content being spectators sooner than later become participants and perpetrators. The holocaust is a grim reminder to humanity of what negative narratives can yield but time seems to have numbed our senses.

Ironic but true; though negativity starts when objective logic fails, its only logical reasoning that can put an end to negativity. Unfortunately, reasoning dies a few deaths with those taken in by negativity. It is not only the illiterate, ignorant poor that make the gullible crowd but even educated well-placed individuals stream-in, “ever hearing but never understanding”, “ever seeing but never perceiving”.

Is there a way out of the marauding negativity?

 

The Equation

Constructing cause and effect equations to understand situations help deal with negativity. But people drowned in negativity seldom see the life-rope. Persistent chipping away at the causative factors does help but negatives have a strange overpowering presence.

A blot on a clean apparel, however small catches the eye first.  Despite the large clean canvas around the blot often refuses to let the eyes go. Notional or imaginary losses have the same impact. Having made riches off paltry investments, people fret about the falling stock indices. Industrialists, taking their own lives having suffered losses, would not have thought even once about the growth they charted their way up and the huge growth possibilities ahead. Engrossed in the web of negativity they spin about themselves, they distance themselves from any meaningful help only to be fatally consumed.

It is absolutely normal, to feel the burden of negativity. It is good to be aware of the negative within. Willingness to accept its presence within and address it helps us turn in right at the end of the linear equation. Ability to identify negativity outside increases the probability of successfully negotiating it.

The equation is simple, straight and linear. Whoever has eyes, let them see!