WHY THEY ARE, WHAT THEY ARE & WHAT WE MUST BE

Pancake Collapse

“A classic Pancake – Collapse” declared the expert on Television. ‘Pancake – collapse’, the horror that befell ‘Tarique Gardens’, a five storied building in Mahad, is considered the worst collapse a multi-storeyed building can suffer because each floor crashes over the one below telescoping groundward trapping everything underneath. Rescue becomes difficult and painfully slow because debris has to be cleared layer by layer from the top. Pancake collapse happens when columns of the structure are woefully weak. Even an infinitesimal increase in load beyond the threshold can trigger a collapse, waiting to happen anytime. This catastrophe happens not due to omissions but through criminal indulgence. The two key issues that determine structural longevity are inherent strength and tolerance.

Collapse - Organisations and Individuals

Pancake – collapse is not confined to lifeless concrete structures alone. It happens with organisations and worse with individuals too. Why do organisations and individuals collapse?

Organisations collapse mainly due to the destructive dynamics at play within. Whatever it be, individually or collectively they erode the very structure from within. The process of decay normally provides adequate warning and visible symptoms. Left unattended, deterioration decimates.

Look around. We might find individuals reduced to wrecks. Most of them would blame someone or something, an agent of collapse, for the state they are in. It is believed that another individual or individuals, circumstances, an incident or incidents trigger the collapse of an individual.

But, is it really true?

Agents of Collapse

Perennially blind to good and deaf to truth, there are people specialised in scheming, finding faults and flaws in anyone or anything. There are others, perpetually perched on the seat of judgement and portraying themselves victims of injustice, perpetuating the same ill on others. With bizarre accusations and allegations, they seem capable of shaking up the very core of our belief systems, shattering our self-esteem and leaving us in ruins. Vindictive boss, cunning colleague, incompetent teammate, suspicious partner, scheming neighbour, ‘wolf in sheep’s cloth’ friend, disgruntled employee, the list can go on. They are often considered competent to initiate the collapse on an individual’s life. All of us would have come across or will come across such people some time in life.

They force us to ponder - Why do they behave the way they do? Why are they what they are?

Why They Are What They Are?

Inadequacies and insecurities dictate an individual's behaviour. In some of us, these only assume situational dominance and therefore are fleeting and temporary but in many, the impact may be overwhelming. In such cases inadequacies and insecurities are so entrenched that it becomes their very trait and controls everything they think, speak or do. Childhood trauma, abused adolescence, long exposure to anguish, anxiety and helplessness, if internalised, especially during the growing phases, play a significant role in deciding how an individual perceives and therefore pursues life. The resultant loss of self-esteem and deep- seated suspicion in inter personal relationship permeates every thought and action of the individual. Normalised in traumatic existence, such individuals find it easy to inflict the same injuries on others. It is natural for them to do so because they are merely re-enacting the very scenes that they once lived through.  

However, it is up to the recipient to determine the nature of relationship offered. Only if the recipient accepts the negative stimulus and responds in the same manner, the acts and actors find resonance. The interpersonal connect then assumes a negative hue and continues to spiral down. There is hope if one is unwilling to partner the act. It is the responsibility and well within the means of the recipient to alter the dimensions of the transaction.

It is only when we abdicate this responsibility, others can entrap us amongst their plummeting debris and initiate our collapse.

It is easy to hand over the reins of our life to others and blame them for the mess we find ourselves in. Irrespective of ‘why they are, what they are’ it is often the individual himself who becomes the agent of collapse.

Preventing Pancake – Collapse

Solid foundation, sturdy columns and strong beams define lasting structures. In personal life, value systems become the foundation, enduring belief-in-self, the columns and positive attitude, the beams. Shifting sands and fickle minds seldom serve as good foundations. Rooted in good and continually refined for the better, value systems ensure well mended foundation. Knowledge and competence enhance self-belief. Continually enriching knowledge and transforming it to competence strengthens self-belief. Positive attitude provides the cantilever through which an individual reaches out to the world and lets the world come in.

Getting Out of the Rubble

Breach in defences occur even in the best held forts. These can be plugged only through continuous scrutiny and timely repairs. However, hard one may try, one will have to deal with people filled with negativity, setbacks and failures. There would be times, one feels losing out and even going down under. It is then, that one doubts one’s own worth, questions the relevance of value systems nurtured and the manner in which one handles life. Then, it serves well to be reminded that no defence is good enough, unless tested, mended and restored.

Flashes of self-doubt must never the allowed to linger for long. Very much like clearing the debris in a pancake-collapse, it is important to start clearing issues from the latest and steadily progress to the oldest. The search for reasons and repairs would be painstaking and time-consuming. Yet, it should not stop till the core issue is identified and addressed. If need be one should not hesitate to seek professional help. After all, lying deep under rubbles, one needs to be extricated by rescuers.

Being What We Must Be

Life is nothing but a story. How interesting and impactful our story must be, is a decision that we have to make. Choice between scripting “a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing" or “leaving footprints on the sands of time” is left to us. Regardless of situations, it is left to us to decide what must be and to endeavour being what we must be.

"There are things which are within our power, and there are things which are beyond our power. Within our power are opinion, aim, desire, aversion, and in one-word, whatever affairs are our own”[1]. If an individual concentrates on strengthening the structures and continually strive for betterment, external threats, however, severe cannot inflict any substantial damage. It is then we become what we must be.

[1] Enchiridion; Epictetus“

“Jo Bole, So Kunda Khole” – Reluctant Response Rationale?

 Jo Bole, So Kunda Khole

The chief executive sat at the high table in his office and the heads of different verticals, sat in straight chairs facing him. Compared to the formal ones he chaired in the imposing conference hall with individual mics, plush chairs and crystal bowls of assorted chocolates, boss seemed to like his free-flowing ‘office meetings’. Everything was formal about ‘office meetings’, yet there was a touch of informality.

 In one such meeting though the agenda was done but our cups had not yet run out of tea and we had time to be around, he asked for ideas. The silent serenity that suddenly descended notwithstanding, I came up with one, nowhere connected to my official charter. The boss smiled and said “Jo Bole, So Kunda Khole”. He assigned me the responsibility[1].

Everyone laughed. I tried.

Tough I still have problem with assigning gender to nouns, I am at home in Hindi and due to my association with Sikhs can understand Punjabi. It took me a while to grasp the meaning of the phrase, for I had not heard it ever before. But what the laughter meant, I understood instantaneously.

“Jo Bole So Kunda Khole” is a phrase that is easily understood across most of Northern India. Literally translated, it means “whosoever spoke (acknowledges), opens the bolt”. Picturising it would help us understand the content contextually better.

Similar Situations – Dissimilar Responses

Imagine a cold wintry ‘after dinner’ time in a hostel room shared by a few friends, all tucked-in under their quilts, warm and comfortable.

Suddenly there is a knock at the main door. What would happen?

Yes. Most would pretend to have not heard it. Most likely, knocks will be repeated, a bit louder or harsher. The person who knocks may even call out the name of someone he thinks will respond. That person may or may not respond. Whosoever acknowledges the knock might have to get out of the quilt, leave the warmth and comfort to face the cold uncertainty.

Jo Bole, So Kunda Khole! That’s what smart people understand. That’s why smart people pretend to be asleep.  Sleep? You can be woken up. Pretend to be asleep, you just can’t be woken up.

Now imagine the same situation in the settings of a household.

In many houses though all would have heard the knock, the one who always does, will respond. It is normally the wife, mother or the father. Though everybody would have heard it and anybody could have responded, nobody else bothers. It is taken for granted and over a period of time that person is expected to answer whenever the door calls.

In other houses, though everybody would have heard it and anybody could have responded, the patriarch or matriarch, will delegate someone to answer the door. 

In few houses all those who heard, will respond.

Similar situations but dissimilar responses, though predictable. The difference essentially lies in the extent of ownership and degree of involvement of each individual. The range of responses is indicative of how the house is administered, the interdependence, concern for each other and operative control structures, in short everything about the house, the organisation.

Unknown to us, this scenario, plays out everywhere in real-life especially in professional arena. Successful and competitive organisations with surfeit of smart individuals often suffer from ownership deficiency.

The Number Game

It’s the norm to quantify growth parameters. Measurable quantities become assignable targets and deadlines. It can also be converted into ruthless comparative templates for evaluation of performance and easily applied. Growth of employees can then be made dependent on how well they achieve assigned dead-lined targets. Nothing but dead-lined targets matters in the process of getting ahead. It’s an irony that deadlines dictate survival! Being ‘smart’ helps. Pestered for results, people come up with ingenious ways, even bordering on trickery or outright fudging.

Many organisational issues cannot be converted into numbers. At least, commitment and loyalty cannot be. These are intrinsic. With everyone chipping away to ensure individual success in a competitive environment, un-quantifiable, un-enumerated organisational issues are orphaned. Organisational growth and success, unfortunately is not the arithmetical sum of success of the individuals in the organisation. For many smart individuals the two have no link even.

Competition and Collaboration

Collaboration in modern competitive spaces is often convenience and need driven. Anything contrary could be wasteful investment of resources. Since growth is number driven and evaluation is done on assigned tasks, organisations seldom find people voluntarily tending to it on issues beyond the assigned. The few sincere who do so, may well be stamped naïve and gullible. Organisations that promote ‘smart’ culture effectively denies itself the fruits of sincerity.

Smart Ones

Smart employees, for most of us, are ones who come up with quick responses, easy ways out of situations and readily offer solutions to problems. They articulate and communicate effectively, seemingly have a way with people and even carry themselves well. Few of them are competent and genuine. But for most part, they are experts in short cuts, provide solutions which have potential of being problems themselves later. Rarely in dissonance with superiors, such people may actually not hesitate to bend or break rules and are intelligent enough to cover tracks. Most make themselves visible amidst the most happening of places and manage being rewarded. Engrossed in navigating their way up organisational ladders, they care least about the organisation.

Smart people don’t leave their quilts! Under the arc light and for visibility they certainly will.

Sincere Ones

Willing to give up the comfort of their quilts these are people who take up orphaned work for the organization. Naïve and gullible, they have organisation in their hearts. Though they too would love to be recognised and their contributions acknowledged they normally lose out to smart workers. In the competitive environs of smartness and collaboration of convenience they lose out because they don’t invest in optics but remain engrossed in intricate invisibles.

Luckily every organization has adequate space and growth avenues for such people too because without their invisible presence organisations crumble. These are people on whom organisations bank on in times of crisis. With smarties absorbed in their upward trajectories or the next opportunity to jump ship, sincere ones stick around when the road turns bumpy. It’s not difficult to spot them.

Choice

Having a lot of people flocking around, agreeing with us and admiring whatever we do, does give a heady feel. It can actually make us feel powerful. Boisterous followers lull us to believe in our own invincibility and infallibility. It sure helps create a myth. Unfortunately, it may be far from truth. While we are immersed in the illusions of grandeur, someone telling us that we are wrong can be a damp squib.

Entrusted with the task of staffing? Its wiser to choose the sincere over the smart, unless one is smart oneself!

Epilogue

I had many ‘jo bole, so kunda Khole’ moments in my career. 

But looking back with the wisdom of hindsight, all those moments were also moments of affirmation of faith by my boss in my abilities and commitment to the organisation.

I rose in hierarchy and was heard each time I spoke. I retained the freedom to disagree. Most of my bosses didn’t find it subverting their authority. Many a time my boss did exactly as I recommended and many times he overruled against my wishes. As a superior I always believed in my team’s sincerity. I was amply rewarded. 

The many ‘jo bole, so kunda Khole’ moments, I gave myself defines what I am.

While competitors and adversaries may laugh at your ‘jo bole, so kunda Khole’ moments, remember it may be the window for the boss to see real you. After all everything can’t be reduced to numbers, targets and deadlines.

Lesson for Life 

Looking back, after one or two ‘jo bole, so kunda Khole’ moments with my bosses as I rose in hierarchy, I realised no one ever assigned me a task. They always entrusted me with responsibilities.

 

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[1] The responsibility assigned to me was executed exceptionally well by my team. Two of my team members were appropriately rewarded. Anyone entering or leaving that geographical area admires the job and gets motivated. I came up for special mention in a widely attended emotional speech by my boss. Some rewards are for the heart and heart alone and I carry it still.